Apprentice
Assault On Battery

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Lesson Nine: You Can't Bulk-Sell Bullshit

Andrea self-importantly interrupts so she can "recommend" to Allie that they come up with "an organized plan." "Not just for the next ten minutes," she specifies, "but for today and tomorrow." Like Allie was (a) confused about what she meant and (b) had no such plan. I wonder if Allie didn't fully let Andrea in on the plan and Andrea just wasn't listening, or found it so stupid that she boomeranged it without even thinking it. Allie's like, "Okay, the plan is to take photos, right? Like we were all told to do this morning?" and Andrea tells her that she just doesn't want them "crunched for time." Which is what Andrea always says immediately after wasting a bunch of the Project Manager's time either directly, by having a huge fucking conversation about nothing, or by association, by screwing up the actual products of their work, like when she told Roxanne's bored couple on the cruise ship that they were being "too bored." Allie interviews how she was just like, "Get your scary face out of my face," when this bullshit came down, because there's totally a plan. Also that Andrea is "counterproductive," "condescending," and makes you "paranoid about the work you're trying to do." Which, again, means that Andrea should win this whole bitch, because that's all managers in all industries, everywhere. Allie is finally like, "We're done! We're done!" but Andrea's still talking, and finally just kind of trails off.

They all get on the ferry back to Battery Park, when Tammy realizes the Handy-Dandy Notebook is missing. "With all your notes?" "Yeah. With all the notes." Allie interviews about the "pages upon pages" that were so necessary that have gone missing. I realize that sucks, but the notebook is not crucial. You were both there, you both got the anecdotal stuff. You can make do. As long as you don't misremember basic factual shit ("Ellis Island is technically an isthmus," "The Statue Of Liberty is actually modeled after Lord Harold of Snodgrass, a former lover of Benjamin Franklin"), I think you'll be all right. Andrea, Roxanne, and Sean run all over the ferry freaking out as it starts up, with Allie and Tammy still not on board. Roxanne actually runs into the engineering room and screams at the Captain: "Where are you taking us?!" Allie and Tammy, having found the notebook, scream triumphantly, and then are forced to say goodbye as they watch the ferry recede in the distance. Allie interviews that OMG, she's "the leader of this team" and "they're leaving here" without her. Again: there's stuff you can do. You've got a walkie-talkie and all kinds of capabilities, and the ferry runs...let's see...every half hour, if I'm reading this right.

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Apprentice

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