Then: POW! Trump's all creepy-old-uncle Bar Mitzvah all of a sudden: "George, listen. Adam isn't good with sex," and he turns to Adam: "You might be in ten years, but right now you don't feel comfortable with sex, do you agree with that?" Adam agrees with this self-evident statement and Trump goes NUTS. "You will. Someday you will. It's gotten me into a lot of trouble, Adam. It's cost me a lot of money. Do you understand that?"

WHAT THE FUCK PART OF ANY OF THIS IS OKAY? THE ONLY PERSON YOU'RE ALLOWED TO PULL THIS ON IS YOUR KID, YOUR OWN PERSONAL CHILD, AND EVEN THEN YOU BETTER BE COOLER ABOUT IT THAN THIS. I FEEL LIKE I JUST GOT THE TALK FROM MY ABDUCTOR, OKAY, AND I WASN'T EVEN THERE. YOU SICK, WEIRD, CREEPY PIECE OF CRAP.

Plus, plus the fact that I take severe issue with the idea that Trump is speaking with any kind of authority about sex. He's had intercourse, yes, and it's cost him a lot, but -- do you honestly think Trump enjoys sex qua sex? Do you think that's where it stops, for him? He's the guy Viagra was invented for, because for him sex equals a whole lot of stuff that has nothing to do with sex and a whole lot to do with making his dead father happy and a bunch of other gross stuff, and probably getting peed on. Trump doesn't have sex, he masturbates using another person. I'm sorry if this paragraph blew your mind, but I wasn't the one that crossed the line here, and it's about ten times ickier that he's trying to get Adam to sign onto this fake idea of sex that he doesn't even actually care about except as a signifier of stuff we already knew about him.

Carolyn giggles disgustedly and thinks about how later on, after dinner at the Club, she's going to go home and sit on a big-ass pile of money. Even Markus is like, is this actually happening? It goes on. "You'll probably be there, in some respects I hope that you are, because there's nothing like it." I don't even know what he means by all this, but I feel violated. Adam says quietly, "Thank you very much," then pulls out a gun and shoots himself in the head forty-six times. Trump turns to Markus: "Markus, you talk too much. You talk in riddles! And for this task, you didn't do a very good job." Markus thinks he did "an outstanding job," but couldn't tell you why. "Part of your problem," Trump ruminates, and everyone braces for more scary, crazy, gross-out talk, "is that you always have an excuse. And you can't shut up." True that.