Back To School

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Lesson Seven: If You Can't Say Anything Well…

Carolyn explains that their class was about "intimacy in the workplace," and then does that thing I like, where the cameras jump to various people as she reads off the comment cards. "No agenda, no flow of ideas [Adam], poor presentation skills [Clay, obviously], and it was boring for a juicy topic [Alla, Adam]." On three criteria (educational merit, entertainment value, and presentation), their average score was 6.98. Carolyn kind of smiles, but Clay and Felisha are wary. George says that Excel took "a different tack," and did a presentation called "Stand Out! How To Make Your Mark." The comments: "Lots of fun, Randal was a good coach [Randal], reps were friendly and very well-informed [Marshawn and Brian], dynamic and informative, bravo [Rebecca]." The average score was 7.07, which is a pretty good margin considering how everybody always answers 1, 7 or 10 on those surveys (the "seven effect," for proof of which, look at the score for the shambolic Capital Edge class), which is why a lot of people push for five-point scales on subjective metrics like this in order to get better calibration. Adam is grossed out because this is the first time math has beaten him in his life.

Trump praises Randal about how he "hasn't lost yet, as PM," but not for the ameliorating factor that he's been PM exactly twice and is the only one to do so, and Adam continues looking disgusted/nauseated during the obvious vote for Randal's exemption next week. The reward, continuing on the "Kelly is learning to build" vector that does not actually exist, is that they will now "enjoy [themselves] as students" learning to "dress for success" from Michael Kors. They are all pleased by the free clothes, so much so that they overlook the part where they'll have to be in his horrible farty presence. Alla looks like she will cut you, even after Trump reminds her of her exemption this week.

Nobody looks at anybody when they return to the suite, and Adam interviews that that was "the worst five minutes of this entire interview process," but he only thinks this because he didn't have to watch himself singing. Alla jumps around all buoyant and exempt about how "there's always the next task" and "we just have to stay strong and do better." Adam flounders in interview about the horrible sensations he is having, and then Adam, Alla, and Rebecca have a very adorable and funny moment.

Alla is wigging hardcore about how much she loves Michael Kors and how she'll flip your wig and kill your dog for a chance to score some Kors, and like, you're a multi-millionaire, dude. Go getcha some. This is like on Big Brother where even the vegetarians eventually get like "I would eat a steak at this point" and praying to false peanut butter idols for vengeance, because it's more about the getting than the having. I like Alla a lot: "I don't get jealous! [But] I'm jealous! And I'll say it to everybody! I am jealous! And pissed off!" She's curling over the kitchen table like she just rolled sevens on a Benjamin and Adam says, cutely, off-camera: "I love it!" Alla goes on in interview about how victory now has meaning, because "I don't wanna lose another Michael Kors reward," and that's sad, because no matter how many tasks you win, Alla, you're fated to get bullshit rewards like hockey and baseball and that. And I think that's a huge part of her dismay here, because all of her rewards -- and she's one of the best candidates -- have sucked so bad. To finally have a good one, and not get to enjoy it because you traded away Marshawn for no reason and got Markus instead, is painful. Rebecca is an asshole about it, finding herself "unable" to "control" her "excitement," and then fakely apologizing for the outburst. Quit it, Rebecca. Alla finally crumples onto the table. "It sucks to lose, man! Never again! I'm like...AAAARRGH!"

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