Apprentice
Back To School

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Lesson Seven: If You Can't Say Anything Well…

"Not good, Clay. Are you an anti-Semite?" Which: I think you can see the point from here, Mr. Trump. Let me get your driver. Clay is, of course, not an anti-Semite. Alla, sensing how badly off-track we're getting, jumps in: "There's a lot more that he said. I mean, I'll let Adam…" which I loved, like, the implied nudge to do her bidding there, camouflaged as deference to the PM. I wonder how many times she's done this and we didn't see the secret bedroom scenes setting it up? Adam, weirdly, mentions that Clay "made a few Jewish comments throughout," which is neither what Alla was talking about, nor -- from the footage we've seen, at least -- strictly true. Which I would think they would be, if that was the theme of the evening. Clay's astounded, and so am I, because it's clear from Trump's questions that he's not really interested in pursuing this particular line of questioning.

Alla is forced to tip her hand a bit more: "Besides the Jewish comments…" and it's almost hilarious this time, because the implied like we discussed, little boy could not be more obvious. Adam bores Felisha to death ramping up to Phase II of Alla's plan, because if the kid can't even say the word "sex" without stuttering, how the hell is he supposed to say "gay"? "Besides that, the whole time I said that the underlying concept is great, but I think it's important for the team name and the image of the team that we don't make this too provocative…" That's all one sentence of Adam dancing around the gay thing. Alla should have just used Markus as her other pawn here, but she doesn't know that, because she hates him.

Carolyn, bored, goes, "So like, what were you teaching?" Alla -- still the only person with a hold on the actual idea -- explains that the class was about "how to deal with it if it's happening," and suddenly the historically silent Felisha wants a cracker: "People got a feeling of, 'Oh my gosh, this does take place in the workplace, and if it does, here are the ways that I, Miss Manners, can handle it.'" I love it inside her brain! It looks like the street with all the houses from Edward Scissorhands in there! The way she expresses things is so totally unique to her, and I think she's probably a lot of fun. Get a couple of margaritas in her or something, and all the hilarious weirdness will come flying out.

Carolyn digests: "If there is sex in the workplace, handle it with class." Cut to Trump looking like an utter troll -- an actual, literal, dwelling-under-bridges goddamn troll -- on muscle relaxants. God, I hate looking at his face. Everybody jumps in to try and explain more fully, which is always a sign of a concise, marketable concept, and Trump blurts, "I've never heard of classy sex in the workplace, that's all…" and George giggles. So does Markus, which gets Trump's attention. "Tell me what's going on with this team?" That's...gotta be a joke, Mr. Trump. You're asking for pain. Markus's response: "Um...[silence]...where do I begin...[silence]...um." He taps his fingers and Trump gets bored and rephrases: "Who caused the loss?" Markus thinks it was Clay, that he "exposed homosexuality as an issue that to me it was…" Clay is flabbergasted, and frankly so am I, because I think he's right, but you gotta be some brainless kind of mother to say it like that. He somewhat clarifies that he thought it was "a bit much for the crowd," and Clay's weird about that, but of course, if he had any idea that anyone on earth might be put off by that, he wouldn't have said it, right? He's not so unable to assume responsibility that he would paint it as their problem, would he?

Trump -- and I can't get a read on him here -- is either unimpressed, horrified, or bored as he asks whether this is true. Clay sputters, and Alla blurts, "He kept talking about slapping the ass!" It's the accent that makes it funny.

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Apprentice

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