Apprentice
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Lesson Seven: If You Can't Say Anything Well…

Adam wants to speak to this, kind of indirectly, and starts off with a priceless "Ms. Kepcher" to do it: "Markus is not focused. I gave Markus all different types of responsibilities, Markus didn't fulfill [any of them]." Markus disagrees with it, and gives a short and nutty (and utterly untrue) speech about it: "In everything I do, I try to bring value, and I try to be straight with my teammates…" Trump's like, "Yeah...you didn't do much." He disagrees, of course, and Trump turns to Clay. Markus makes the most ridiculous, toad-like, lip-pooched assface he's made yet, and Clay tries to explain the whole "blockbuster ideas" scenario, about how he had to explain to Alla that Markus is literally incapable of making lists, and instead likes to make a huge mishmash in his very confused head of every thought he's ever had, which then comes shooting weirdly out of his face. In the soda pop game, we call that a "Suicide." Just saying.

Seeing Markus open his mouth, Trump hurriedly asks Adam why he lost. Adam jumps on the Jewish comment again, and then finally clarifies it: "From a personal level, I accepted his apology and I really don't believe he's anti-Semitic in any way shape or form…" Trump interrupts him right before the point about how that's "a big statement [he's] making," but only to Trump, because the actual point is forthcoming: "But, I think that we lost because of the low scores, and he mentioned some provocative things…" So close, right, so close to making his actual point here, but again George jumps in, all, "Sex is provocative! So you're saying you don't want anything provocative?" Which is still not the point Adam's making, but closer to it, and Adam is sidetracked into how he wanted it "tasteful, respectful," and that's when Clay's ass got saved this week, because Adam let himself get snookered into never making his point. George, pleased with this opportunity to answer a question nobody asked, is like, "Doesn't happen. Sex by itself is provocative."

Then: POW! Trump's all creepy-old-uncle Bar Mitzvah all of a sudden: "George, listen. Adam isn't good with sex," and he turns to Adam: "You might be in ten years, but right now you don't feel comfortable with sex, do you agree with that?" Adam agrees with this self-evident statement and Trump goes NUTS. "You will. Someday you will. It's gotten me into a lot of trouble, Adam. It's cost me a lot of money. Do you understand that?"

WHAT THE FUCK PART OF ANY OF THIS IS OKAY? THE ONLY PERSON YOU'RE ALLOWED TO PULL THIS ON IS YOUR KID, YOUR OWN PERSONAL CHILD, AND EVEN THEN YOU BETTER BE COOLER ABOUT IT THAN THIS. I FEEL LIKE I JUST GOT THE TALK FROM MY ABDUCTOR, OKAY, AND I WASN'T EVEN THERE. YOU SICK, WEIRD, CREEPY PIECE OF CRAP.

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Apprentice

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