Apprentice
Back To School

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Seven: If You Can't Say Anything Well…

I know for a fact that I don't know who this Kelly man is, but I have even less of an idea about it now that I've seen a few minutes of footage of him. Dude. He looks like...some guy. Some guy that just woke up. Trump menaces about how "Kelly's been learning a lot and having a lot of fun," and sleepy little Kelly agrees that he's been "learning a lot," and Trump has to pretty much threaten Kelly to agree to part two of the claim, calling him a "wiseguy." Then there is a stupid segue to this week's task. Again.

See, Kelly's been "learning" while "working," so it's "a teaching thing," so it's "about education," so their task involves the leisure learning center The Learning Annex. My brain hurts. Marshawn seems intrigued but unimpressed, which is her theme song. Trump explains that the Learning Annex is an "amazing continuing education program" which teaches 8,000 classes a year. Alla will not be fired, thanks to her exemption last week. The task: to create a new class and teach it in front of an audience. Adam and Markus both look dorky and spaced out. They will be evaluated by the students on how educational and how entertaining their seminars are, and the team with the highest average score will win.

Open on a scary, stupid picture of Donald Trump, standing with his dorky old man-fist in the air behind a Learning Annex podium. Learning Annex LOVES Trump, because he makes them a SHITLOAD of money saying basically nothing, every time he speaks for them. Which is kind of the point of the Learning Annex: Oops, I didn't make a billion dollars after taking a three-hour course! I have a three-ring binder, but no money! How did this happen? Can you tell me? Here's more of my money! Miss Cleo, where is my money? The poverty line rests on a pile of three-ring binders and lottery scratch-offs.

Adam appoints Alla Queen of Brainstorming, which pleases her, although she doesn't have a special crazy outfit for this responsibility. Adam talks about how he wants to keep a collaborative environment going, which is nice except for the Markus factor, and says that Alla did a great job. We see her ask for five ideas in ten minutes, and then -- is she psychic? -- goes, "Okay, Markus?" He replies, "I hear ya." She gets out her pen: "Let's start writing." But Markus is not done with this conversation, which has clearly just ended, and whose end he has just acknowledged. "Well, I'm going to do it differently. I just wanna pitch you guys on what my thoughts are, okay…" Everybody puts down their pens, because they know what's coming, and then watch each other go slowly from bored, to frustrated, to angry, to spiritually destroyed.

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Apprentice

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