Apprentice
Back To School

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Lesson Seven: If You Can't Say Anything Well…

The brainstorming continues, among the brains that aren't in a low-pressure asshole system. Alla's all about things like "Business After Hours" and "How To Socialize With Your Co-Workers." This last is underscored by a shot of Markus, sitting as far away from everyone else as possible, and Adam, looking dorky and at a loss. Felisha offers "Business Etiquette," and Alla likes it. Clay wants a catchy title, and Alla offers "Sex In The Office." The Bloven, including Honorary (But Temporary) Member Clay, go wild. Adam pees himself a little. "I don't feel comfortable, as PM, having the word 'sex' [involved], personally."

Seeing a crack in the armor, the Bloven run through a big list of other words, each of them a tiny feather-light "I'm not touching you" poke in the ear of Adam's deep insecurity. None of which are necessary, none of which are useful as anything other than a PM taunt: Fornication, Intimacy, Copulation, Intercourse, Attractions, Breeding, Making Love, and Affection. Clay and Felisha giggle madly, like gross little girls, and Clay in particular is excited by "Intimacy." Adam splits a hair about how he doesn't want the word "intimacy" to allude to sex, which is shorthand for "No." Clay interviews that Adam didn't want to talk about sex because he's never had it, and has probably not said the word more than ten times in his life. Both of which are horribly, obviously true, and both of which are completely beside the point. Clay's a cool kid and a Blitch, for the moment, so it's fine. I'm not sure about defining your coolness factor against the control group of a social misfit, but on the other hand, I do it every week for your entertainment.

In any case, Clay votes for Sex At Work because "sex is catchy" (or it can be, if you're not smart about it) and Alla's happy because "we can all speak eloquently about it," which is a HUGE lie and she's gotta know it, and Felisha's down because of Alla, and then Alla smiles beautifully at Adam and he gives in, and that's...everybody that matters. Alla interviews about the awesome chance at winning: "People enjoy fun presentations," and the only possible problem would be Adam "blowing a gasket." Cut to Adam doing exactly that. Adam continues to freak out, and Clay brings up STDs, causing Adam to almost start crying. Even Alla's like, "Go easy on him." Then she laughs some more.

Meanwhile, Excel is doing nothing so interesting. Randal interviews that he wants another win as PM, and they brainstorm. Marshawn offers "negotiation" and "networking," and Randal is down, thinking about subjects like "Big City Networking" and "New York Networking." Brian yawns, although in this particular case, I'd be interested to hear them talk: Randal is crazy good at this stuff, as we'll see, and teaching it is Marshawn's actual job. Marshawn brings up "Pageantry and Beauty," which is how she paid for her education after all, and Rebecca moans something inarticulate and troubled. Brian makes a stink face as Randal mentions "Mother's Day Gifts," "Favorite Recipes," and "How To Research and Create A Family Tree." It's a pretty boring conversation all by itself, but especially after the whole Sex At Work thing.

Rebecca and Brian -- the new Kristi and, uh, Kristi -- are big old nay-sayers, wanting something "hot," and Brian starts yelling, "Bigger, bigger, bigger! Sexy! Let's sex this up!" How eerie! Brian interviews that Randal, as a (five times over) doctor, thinks "analytically," which was a total plus at the beginning of the episode, but is now an issue because Randal can't think "out of the box." Brian worries that everything might be shifting toward a "not over the top and creative idea."

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