Coach calls her BFF Allie to apologize for lying to her feral, insane face earlier, but there will be no Objects available for them. Roxanne expresses disappointment, and interviews that "watching the [Objects] spill through [their] fingers just stinks," and that their sales could suffer. Allie tells everybody about this great thing her dad taught her, over a bowl of Grape-Nuts, that's often called "denial," in which they just doublethink their way out of depression and pretend that Gold Rush doesn't even exist! And that makes the bad feelings go away! (Girlfriend is scary! I told you!) They pull up to a light and outside their van -- this is frankly gorgeous -- GR has got all of Fraternity Row screaming "BLUE! LOT! BLUE! LOT!" and "YELLOW LOT SUCKS!" It's amazing. That might be the best moment of this season, just this tidy little WASP-y "pretend this isn't happening," while outside the van the whole world is screaming "YELLOW LOT SUCKS!" The ladies in the van are like, "Fuck."
Commercials. Public firing squad votes: Lee at 26\%, nice; Allie at 24\% for some reason ["because references to 'girl power' are fatuous and tired, even on the rare occasions when they're backed up?" -- Sars]; Sean at a paltry 18\%. Now, there's no reason to go on for three pages about a commercial, unless there's a point, and this week there really isn't, but in brief: "There's a secret in tonight's GE 'ecomagination' commercial! What is it? Record it and see!" Now, I had my skepticisms. Is there really a secret? Is the secret that it's part of the war machine? That "ecomagination" is retarded and the opposite of what it means and kind of evil? Like how buying a Ford Hybrid makes Kermit happy? Nope, it's just overwhelmingly stupid. The commercial itself involves a CGI elephant dancing around in a rain forest while lots of animals watch it dance in the rain forest. I think the point is that General Electric makes life-giving rain, and not bombs like we thought. Now that's ecomagination! "Imagine that your grandchildren won't get cancer in grade school!" "Imagine that when your husband comes back from Iraq he won't have strange syndromes and unexplainable chronic pain!" "Imagine that Outback Steakhouse never killed a tree!" So anyway, if you pause it and frame-by-frame it, out of some kind of end-of-season self-destructive recapper masochism, there's a one-second flipbook of frames that are basically like the actor bios in a DVD extra: The elephant was in teenage porn. The flamingos were a discredited vaudeville couple. This is so stupid. The gecko is a performance artist. The end. I did not make that up. Please send nasty things to NBC.