Apprentice
Apprentice

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 657 USERS: B-
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Lesson Eleven: Don't Share Bitches

In their van, Synergy dresses up as Scantily-Clad Fetish Objects, since they don't have any Scantily-Clad Fetish Objects to pimp. How is that different from Ivana shaking her shapely ass for chocolate? Roxanne tells us that this is so great because the three of them "always figure out a way to use our Girl Power to win! Win! Win!" This is Girl Power in a very third-wave sense, and I approve only in the same way that I approved of Ivana, which is that men are dumb and will give you money. And if it's no skin off your ass, go for it. Shame about that is just another thing Trump wants women to feel so they'll stay small, and that's one to grow on. Over Roxanne's latest Girl Power Rebel Yell, Allie futzes in the van: "I just put my pants on backwards..." Cute!

Lee and Sean talk about how the cash booth is "so student," and Lee interviews smarmily about how "amazing-amazing" it's going to be. Dude, I just remembered how last night I dreamed that I accidentally got spoiled that he was in the Final Two, and I was mentally composing my resignation letter to Sars when I remembered it was a dream. The power of hate just kicked that memory loose! So funny. The game starts, and there is screaming, and there is Fetish Object Synchronized Movement out in Blue Lot, and Michael is on the mic, droppin' weirdness about Scantily-Clad Fetish Objects and the food, and there's lots of food, and people eating, Sean snagging people and Lee selling food and somebody doing the cash-grab game, and more food, and Michael doing nothing, steak, steak, steak, and you know what? Kinda craving Outback, right about now. I'm kidding, of course. I just had some Arby's a couple hours ago.

Apprentice

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