Apprentice
Apprentice

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 657 USERS: B-
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Lesson Eleven: Don't Share Bitches

Showdown! Trump lets Carolyn off the chain and she goes to town on them: "You're shitty negotiators! Weak-willed sisters! You couldn't manage to sell to a captive, hungry audience! I don't know which of the legion of failures you miserable pukes accomplished this week is more likely to make me fucking vomit!" Then she puts her head through a plate-glass window and screams, "I WILL HAVE BLOOD!" And somewhere, Allie puts a tiny little martini glass in the hand of her Carolyn doll. Lee gives Sean leave to speak, so Sean says what Lee wants him to say, and that's a sick little dynamic right there. "Giving up exclusivity was far worse," Sean monotones, and I don't know what Lee's hand is doing back there, but I'm pretty sure I saw his lips move. Trump, inspired by Carolyn's disgust, and fearing her wrath, tells Michael that he's ridiculous for doing that, and Michael's like, "I understand that, Mr. Trump, but it didn't lose us the task." And it's weird, because you really get the feeling that everybody in the room has decided that this wuss-out happened, like, during the game. That's how the conversation reads. When in fact, it happened early on in the task, and was discussed and vetoed. Before anything actually happened. And I don't know if everybody's in on that fact. Which makes it weird, because he deserves to be fired this week, because as usual Lee was right about basically everything, and Sean simply hasn't suffered enough yet, but also did his part, and Michael didn't. So yet again: right cobra, wrong reason, if he's the one to go.

Sean is caught here slightly rolling his eyes as Trump sets off on some kind of spice of life lecture about the nature of Trumpness, and how he's "sort of like a fair guy in life?" And that he is also the kind of person that hates Michael for sharing "assets," by which he means "fine-assed bitches," and Michael points out that he, um, didn't do that, and Trump's like, "Because Lee and Sean wouldn't let you!" Which may or may not be true, I don't know. Lee's all over it, as usual, about how he would NEVER share bitches. "Giving up beautiful cheerleaders -- I learned a long time ago: when you have a cheerleader, you never give her up." Michael's like, "Gross." Lee's like, "Let me write that down." Sean laughs because he's fucking useless. Last night my friend Amanda wondered, vis-à-vis our viewing of Big Love, how much Viagra Hef probably takes. And it really made me think, because: none. Because as long as everybody thinks you're getting ass, after you're a man of a certain age and decrepitude, it doesn't matter if you actually get off or not. And the way you keep that going is, I think, doing this shit that Trump always does. Which is just another way of getting men to co-sign on your masculinity, and it's gross, but all we've done is prove that Trump is gross, which...the grass is green! Blue Lot sucks! You know?

Apprentice

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