Apprentice
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Jacob Clifton: A | 2 USERS: A+
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Lesson Eleven: Don't Share Bitches

Sean is caught here slightly rolling his eyes as Trump sets off on some kind of spice of life lecture about the nature of Trumpness, and how he's "sort of like a fair guy in life?" And that he is also the kind of person that hates Michael for sharing "assets," by which he means "fine-assed bitches," and Michael points out that he, um, didn't do that, and Trump's like, "Because Lee and Sean wouldn't let you!" Which may or may not be true, I don't know. Lee's all over it, as usual, about how he would NEVER share bitches. "Giving up beautiful cheerleaders -- I learned a long time ago: when you have a cheerleader, you never give her up." Michael's like, "Gross." Lee's like, "Let me write that down." Sean laughs because he's fucking useless. Last night my friend Amanda wondered, vis-à-vis our viewing of Big Love, how much Viagra Hef probably takes. And it really made me think, because: none. Because as long as everybody thinks you're getting ass, after you're a man of a certain age and decrepitude, it doesn't matter if you actually get off or not. And the way you keep that going is, I think, doing this shit that Trump always does. Which is just another way of getting men to co-sign on your masculinity, and it's gross, but all we've done is prove that Trump is gross, which...the grass is green! Blue Lot sucks! You know?

Carolyn screams about them about the "competitive edge" some more, and I still don't think anybody knows what she means, and she says that none of their worthless asses will be simply "giving away" any of Donald Trump's "assets," not as long as her handgun is still registered in Connecticut it won't, because she'll blow them to hell before they do that. Michael tries again to explain, but it's 20% outright lies, 30% his own confusion, and 109% blabbercrock, so we're skipping it. More of the same. Trump wades through it for a while, and then tells him that he "didn't" or "couldn't" or "wouldn't" sell -- "Who knows?" -- but since he was willing to give up a "prime asset" to the other side, "who's doing well, beating you to a pulp, and you're willing to give up the prime asset?" Okay, maybe he's talking about in terms of team history. That makes more sense. I really did think for a while that he had gotten a wrong idea about the task, as he has about so much else. Michael is fired.

"You two guys did a lousy job also! Don't feel so great!" Trump screams after Lee and Sean, and Michael wishes them luck in the foyer. Back inside: "Carolyn, you agree?" "It was very easy." "George?" "I agree with it." And then, in case you thought Trump had somehow gotten reality: "Okay, well. I agree also." Like now he needs to sign off on people agreeing with him. That's how in control of everything he is. Ha! Sorry your stupid show is now plummeting to sub-UPN ratings on a regular basis, you old nasty freak. In the taxi, Michael's just like, I can't believe something that didn't happen, and never would have mattered, bit me in the ass. I mean, he goes on about three times longer than that, but it's his point, and he's right. But he still deserved to go.

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Apprentice

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