Apprentice
Barking Up The Wrong Tree

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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For a small person, she was very annoying

The elevator doors open, and the entire squad goes pouring into the Boardroom. Trump gives them lip about being dressed down and caught unprepared and so forth, as if they're supposed to lounge around in their suits and...fishnets or hot pants or whatever the hell passes for women's professional attire around here. Trump tells the teams that they each have to choose a PM. The women choose Jen, and the men choose Wes. Trump has decided, since the teams are even at six and six, that it would be a good time to shuffle them up like a deck of playing cards. Incompetent, backstabbing, badly-dressed playing cards with great big teeth. In my favorite development ever, Trump says that this time, the teams will be mixed by having each PM send over the three people the PM doesn't want. Heh. It's sort of in the "the more they suck, the more okay it is to humiliate them openly" spirit of this season. Jen starts by sending over Sandy. Wes sends over Raj, claiming that he's "let[ting] Raj go with the ladies." Of course, there are going to be three "ladies" on each team in a minute, so...thanks for playing, there, Einstein. Don't sprain anything with neurons in it. Jen rids herself of Maria. Wes discards Chris. Jen casts off Stacy. Wes, after hesitating, unloads Kevin. So it's Jen, Ivana, Elizabeth, Kevin, Chris, and Raj as the new Apex, and Wes, Andy, Kelly, Stacy, Sandy, and Maria as the new Mosaic. As difficult as it is to compliment anyone right now, Jen certainly sent the three women I would have been most anxious to get rid of. Even though I don't care for Ivana, I'd have wound up keeping her. Oh, and Stacy is pouting a tiny little pout, because someone has given her a clue of that which she clearly does not know about herself. It's like she's got her brow wrinkled over a brain teaser that says: "You are a [rhymes with 'rain in the sass']." Trump says that he'll see the new teams tomorrow, and sends them off. Carolyn stares after them skeptically, like, "You know, you can rearrange them as many times as you want, and they're all still going to suck." Sandy says in a smiley, clipped little interview that she's going to make Jen regret sending her over to Mosaic by just being so darn good that her team will totally win. Win, dammit! And also, she hates Jen and Jen's ass face. The teams return to S5.

At the Mosaic meeting, which Maria does not seem to be attending at first for some reason -- perhaps she is busy putting the salsa in the fridge and figuring out how to work the Chip Clip. Wes asks Stacy and Sandy what they're good at. Other than, you know, hating all the other women, which is the skill they've displayed most consistently. "I know you're good at arguing and asking questions," Wes says to Stacy. She starts right in, indeed, to yap about why Apex sucked so hard (prediction: "not my fault" or its functional equivalent was going to be in there somewhere), and Kelly mutters that Stacy will be allowed "[o]nly one question every ten minutes." Heh. She starts back in talking, barely missing a beat, and then she turns to him and says, like he's very stupid as opposed to being the guy who keeps doing everything better than she does, "My questions help." Huh. Yeah, I guess they edited out all the helping and replaced it with CGI ineptitude. Indeed, Kelly looks dubious.

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Apprentice

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