Apprentice
Bedazzled By A Beefy T

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Fifty years, and it's come to this

Kendra and Craig head out for their reward. She interviews that the task was a catfight, so it made sense that the reward was a dogfight. They suit up, and Craig interviews, a little nonsensically, that he could take Kendra on in aerial combat "without a plane." Like, jumping on trampolines? I'm so confused. They are locked into their planes. There's not much to report about this, except that it looks like low-rent Top Gun, and Kendra wins. Which is cool, because Craig was such an asshole throughout this entire episode. I hate rewards.

Later at the L-Pal, Alex and Kendra chat. Alex says his attitude is that Trump will want to fire him, and he has to give a reason why Trump should fire Tana instead. Kendra looks at him sympathetically, because she really hopes he gets fired. Kendra asks him if he has "enough arsenal," and Alex insists that if it were just this task, Tana would be fired "in a heartbeat" for all her dumb mistakes. Tana, meanwhile, talks to Craig, who tells her that she should push the marketing failure off on Alex. "He doesn't have the drive," Craig insists. Tana returns to her record as project manager, saying she's won twice and lost once. Craig nods. Out in the suite, Alex and Tana hug and pretend to like each other. Alex insists that he's "smarter than Tana" and "harder than Tana" (ew), and thus, he won't be fired. Snerk. "Just because I'm friendly and I'm nice, doesn't mean I can't whoop you up and down the street," he adds unconvincingly. The only thing Alex has ever whooped up and down the street, I guarantee you, is a tennis ball chased by a lapdog. Ridiculous.

Ding! Alex and Tana go into the Boardroom and meet up with George and Carolyn. You know, again. Tana is wearing an insane quantity of blush. Trump enters, and he tells them they're getting near the end. He asks Tana how Alex did, and Tana says he was "fair." Asked how Tana did, Alex says that as the PM, Tana didn't focus on the objective, and that she was terrible as a "delegator." He comes up with this gem: "Nobody was specifically in charge of marketing." "There are only two people," George says in disbelief. "Who's going to be specifically in charge of marketing?" Heh. Well, seriously. When there are two of you and it's a marketing task, it's a little incredible to be like, "Not my department!" Alex says he volunteered for the "signage" and the flyers, but he thinks they failed by selling t-shirts, rather than "art." George says he thinks they had certain advantages in that they had an artist and a limited edition, but they didn't advertise that it was a collector's item. Tana argues that she told people in the store that it was a collector's item. "We learned very quickly that no one was interested in our artist," she snots. Well, sure. Because you didn't go get his fans, dummy. Does she really believe they'd be given an artist no one cares about? You just have to find the people, and they're not necessarily going to come and find you. Alex says that they didn't "target art connoisseurs." Just hearing Alex use the word "connoisseurs" makes me want to punch him.

George asks this question: "What did you do right?" Well, seriously. Tana insists that they designed a great shirt. Pfft. She also congratulates herself on the beads. She claims that the beads were the reason she could add $12 to the price of the women's shirts, not that she tried selling the women's shirts without the beads for the same price. Trump asks her if she thinks it mattered, and she tells him the story of her Salt Lake City Bedazzled t-shirts on which she made $10,000. You know what aren't exactly identical settings? A family-oriented tourist trap like the Olympics on one hand, and a self-consciously hip t-shirt store in Manhattan on the other. Seriously. And you might think one of those would favor glued-on rhinestones more than the other. I mean, the Olympics are basically like Branson, Missouri exploded. Tana has another theory, fortunately: "We would have beat Magna if we would have sold 20 more t-shirts," she says. Dude. That's more than half again as many as you sold. "We would have won if we had just sold way more than we actually did! If we had done a much better job, we'd have beaten those guys!" Mm-hmm. Exactly.

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