Tent vision: so very windy. Stefani trying to keep her tent together using her hands and will power. She interviews again that camp sucks, that moving back to camp is terrible, that it's sad to live outside, that it's "just completely not fair." And you know how I feel about statements like that: fair to whom? Fair based on what? But it's Stephanie, almost crying, and I find that I don't have it in me anymore to get moral about these kids, because I feel so horribly bad for each and every one of them, with the exception of Nicole, for whom I feel a certain amount of pity but nothing too painful or energy-consuming. Way I see it, she's got it covered. No sense both of us feeling sorry for her ass on a constant basis, or shrieking about it like grackles every five seconds. I feel like she'll pick up the slack for me on that one.
Next morning, at I'm sure the absolute crack, there is triumphant music as we see some capitalism porn of the golf course. And I mean...it's a visual wonderland. It's like the most luxurious thing ever. I would enjoy strolling around it, which is basically the same as playing golf, but with less rules. There's a waterfall the size of your momma. There's a bunch of tiny mountains everywhere. It's like if Banjo & Kazooie came true. It's greener than Ireland and a pair of silk pajamas put together. And Kinetic hits balls with sticks. For what seems like hours. Heidi's loving the "presence of Donald Trump" and "getting face time," not to mention "the opportunity to interact," as opposed to what we mean by "face time." Trump is up Angela's hoo-hah the entire time, just bizarrely so, like a kid who only sees his older cousins once a year at Christmas, and won't stop fucking following them around and keeping them from getting to do anything fun like smoke cigarettes or say swears, it's embarrassing for everybody, he tells her she's so good at hitting balls with sticks that she should be on the LPGA tour, and she should trade in hockey for golf because it's better, blah blah. I honestly do think he has a boy-crush on her, and I don't say that as a crack on Angela, she's great, gorgeous, but...he's treating her like a person. On a creepy little pedestal, kind of Tarek-adjacent, which worries me because of where it could be heading, but still: no gross jokes, no forgetting her name, no refusing to look her in the eye. I don't think she registers as a woman, for him: just a thing he wishes he was. Angela's only response: "Golf. Yeah. You could...play that your whole life?" Heh. Or at least until you were as old as Donald Trump. Same diff. Stop slobbering on the Olympian, you old freak.