Apprentice
Apprentice

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 617 USERS: C+
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Lesson Eight: The Level Of Our Incompetence

Everybody on Arrow just loves the propmakers, because they're doing what Arrow would be doing if they weren't on a TV show. Also because they're doing great, to be fair. Surya loves everything, everybody loves everything, Arrow Corp. as a body declares National GNC Halftime Show Holiday Celebration for all the world...and James speaks up. I feel like this has been going on all along, based on a few strange edits, but we're getting it in the face this week. He brings up the salient point that the audience is 13,000 people -- that's a lot of people to pay attention to this, like, epic Paul Bunyan tale of a pilgrim's progress using GNC chemical supplements, with all its plot and skinny-guy issues. If you're in the sky, in the boxes, in the cheap seats looking down, that's going to be five ponces poncing around with a lot of echo and a lot of running around in a square about as big as your thumb. And he's right. But since it's The Apprentice, he's wrong by being right: he's saying it too late. And that's his bad: you don't criticize the basic idea -- which is admittedly great except for the venue, the crowd, the scope -- after the props are built. James is starting to get a rep for doing this, bitching after the fact but before the boardroom, but this is the biggest one. Even Surya is like, "We committed money to it." End of discussion. We know how fast they have to turn these things around, we know there's no wiggle room, money- or time-wise. That alone indicts James: the physics of the game itself. Which is what he's trying to play.

QUICK QUIZ: Does James know he's being as creepy as he is actually being?

A) True or False: There's a percentage that everybody has to be devoting to "thinking about the eventual boardroom if we lose," versus "doing everything I can to win this task."
B) Of the two options, which one makes you a choad-hole?
C) But is James doing that?
D) How can you tell?
E) Mostly, is Surya so fucking awful and monstrous that you don't care?
F) Wouldn't you rather be drinking a margarita and listening to Ben Lee or Patrick Wolf and pretending to smoke cigarettes? Doesn't this show make you want to go outside?
G) Seriously, though, ask yourself: You're on a game show, looking to win. All the people on TV that you love, they play the game. They stay quiet in the BR, they do all their bitching -- looking at you, Stef -- in interviews and keep a smile on their face at all other times, they do it all right.
H) And if I'm telling you as your recapper that I don't have a problem with it?

Apprentice

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