Apprentice
Bend It Like Donald

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Jacob Clifton: A | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Eight: The Level Of Our Incompetence

Surya: "You don't even deserve to be on this show!"
Bill: "Um, chill. James, is that true that you stay quiet and then complain after it's too late?"
James: "No."
Bill: "Yes it is."
Tim: "It kind of is, actually. Obviously. But check out how sucky Surya is, though!"
Surya: "James destroys the team all the time! By having questions! And talking during quiet time! And being mean! Yesterday, Mr. Trump, I shushed him, like you would a four-year-old child -- and he didn't shush! It's KILLING MORALE!"
Trump: "I'm firing Surya no matter what happens, so let's have some fun."
Everybody: "Great, you nutbar."

Trump: "Hey Tim, should I fire James?"
Tim: "Um, no?"
Trump: "Heeeeeey James, should I fire Tim?"
James: "Fuck no."
Tim: "The thing is that James does things? He does work and knows what he's fucking talking about? So I kind of hate James, but if we lost him, that would make us less. We'd be less of a team. Whereas if we lost Surya, we'd be less of a...douche factory. He does nothing. He contributes nothing. We're fine without him. He gets really fake mad for no reason and his eyes bug out and it's obnoxious."
Surya: "Maybe I'm great like James too! Maybe the problem is that I've been PM! I'm just as good at James at working and talking and stuff!"
Trump: "You're better at this game...when you're not the PM?"
Surya: "Obviously!"
Trump: "Did you just fire yourself?"

Surya: "I have a 5-2 record. I have a 5-2 record. I have a 5-2 record. I have a 5-2 record. I have a 5-2 record. I have a 5-2 record. I have a 5-2 record. I have a 5-2 record. I have a 5-2 record. I have a 5-2 record. I have a 5-2 record. I have a 5-2 record. I have a 5-2 record. I have a 5-2 record."
Jacob: "IN A SEASON WHERE THE PM'S AREN'T CHOSEN BY THE GROUP! YOU HAVE A 1-2 RECORD AND FOUR TECHNICALITIES! STOP REPEATING THINGS THAT ARE NOT SELLING POINTS!"
Surya: "I have a 5-2 record. I have a 5-2 record!"
Jacob: "Why are you like this?"

Surya: "Fire James! Fire James! I win sometimes!"
Trump: "Kiddo. They win in spite of, really. Kind of. Don't they?"
Surya: "Kind of, yeah."
Trump: "You were the PM on a losing task and there's nobody else to blame."
Surya: "There's James!"

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Apprentice

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