Apprentice
Blow Out

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Lesson Ten: Girls R Just Dum

Heh. So anyway, the reward. Because this task was ostensibly "all about style," Trump is sending Synergy to the arbiter of all style: Burt Bacharach. I don't remember a reward in the history of this show that I would ever want to take part in, but for once, I'm wretchedly jealous. Burt Bacharach is my Jon Stewart, my Nolan Ryan, my everything. I love him with a stupid love. So they'll be meeting him at Steinway Hall, "in midtown," and write a song with him. Sitting at his piano! I hate the songwriting tasks, and I know that it's going to be a bloodbath, but MAN! I could cry. That is so fucking cool. Burt plays piano wearing a dirty shirt, under a windbreaker, under a lavender sweater thrown over his shoulders, and still looks cool as Bruce Lee. Roxanne tells us about how Burt wrote all the songs you've ever heard of, all the songs you didn't know you'd heard of...all in all, "over 473" hits. "That's huge!" she shouts. They all smile so cutely and sweetly at him, and he tells them that he's got a piece he's working on that doesn't have any words. It's called "In Our Time," which is...where things go horribly wrong, and don't ever stop.

He says that "In Our Time," as a concept, is "kind of applicable" to what they've been going through, but does not explain this cryptic and possibly Santana/drug-influenced perspective. Sean's lip wriggles creepily at Burt, and Burt starts playing the song, and they all whip out notebooks. Fade to a second later, where they're brainstorming with all the sense of fun and whimsy -- and lyrical originality -- you'd expect. "Laughter...something...and tears," Allie suggests. That's the level we're dealing with. Tammy notes that "careers" rhymes with "tears," and Sean and Allie are like, "No." Somewhat at length, in Allie's case. Tammy cutely says, "Don't be knockin'!" but it's clear she feels jumped on, even though they're all just thinking out loud. Sean and Allie team up on her some more, and Tammy interviews about how what could have been a team-building exercise was turned into a pogrom by Allie, who "just stirs the pot." It's a bit naïve to think that these four task-oriented machine people could actually have fun with this activity, but it's sweet. They continue to write the awful, dumb song, and Tammy wishes to us aloud that Allie weren't "such a little bulldog" and wouldn't "make Sean feel like the outcast," and that they could "all just have love...like the World Needs Now!" She cracks her own shit up with that one. Man, Tammy's pretty. When she's around.

They sing their words, which I have transcribed here. Notable: Roxanne has a great voice, Allie's is more powerful than you might think, and Sean is a whiny bastard even in the language of music.

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Apprentice

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