Apprentice
Blow Out

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Lesson Ten: Girls R Just Dum

"She is a whiner and a nagger throughout the entire process!" screams Tarek, and Charmaine looks at him cross-eyed. "A whiner and a nagger?" Michael weakly protests, and Charmaine asks if he really doesn't mean that she refuses to buy into his bullshit, but Tarek's too busy now screaming at Michael to stop having an opinion, because he has no right to have any of those, or to speak in the Boardroom. Cobra, cobra, cobra. I would fire him for pulling this shit on an assistant, much less a colleague, because it means he'd do it to a client just as easily. He is not in control. Cobra. This is so freaking stupid.

Trump screams over Tarek: "Charmaine, Charmaine..." Instead of telling him to go get his ass fucked by the Fortune 500 like she bloody well should, she turns to him deferentially. "Yes, Mr. Trump?" He says that she's not negative, because she's "very, very attractive," and mentions other nebulous things she has going for her that he doesn't have time to enumerate. "I think you probably lost because of bad decisions, and really some bad leadership decisions in this case. I think there was some weak leadership. You can't control this guy -- he's a maniac. He's supposed to have this great IQ; I don't know...maybe Mensa made a mistake..." Huh? Back to the train of thought, you old fucker. I hate when he loses his place like that. Tarek swallows. "But you can't control him whatsoever. A leader has to control the people that they're leading, so Charmaine, you're fired."

Silence. Charmaine stands, and somewhere, Allie lies prostrate before a stone altar, with bright knives by her side, and thanks her Dark Lords that she didn't get fired last week for...the exact same fucking thing. Charmaine stands, and Trump says, "Wait one second." The word "prolapse" suddenly holds specific and powerful meaning for Tarek Saab.

"Tarek. You're a very smart guy, you've got a lot of things going for you. But man, you're impossible to lead. I don't know where you're coming from!" Tarek says he'd appreciate another opportunity, but Trump continues to wax befuddled. "You have a good day, you have a bad day; you're a wonderful leader, you're bad as a follower; you have these outstanding moments, and then you have these moments of great, great failure. But you really are impossible to lead, and a great leader also has to know how to be led. And you...don't know how to be led. Tarek, you're fired." Lee becomes a man right there in his pants. Mazel tov.

Michael and Lee board one elevator, Charmaine and Tarek get on the other one, smiling broadly and chatting easily. He leans over to say something -- they seem to just be relieved to be the hell out of there. I don't blame them. I'm kind of giggling hysterically now too. Inside, Trump says he "liked both of those people," but it was "just so obvious." I have to say that I do agree with his reasoning: she failed the task, he fails life. Boom. Easy. Carolyn's not so sure: "I think it could've gone either way." I don't know what she means. I like to think that she's actually a sleeper agent and that around the Live Finale one year she's going to start screaming and jump across the table with a knife or garroting wire screaming "BASTA!" and that'll be the end of Donald Trump. Especially this week. Bill sighs exhaustedly -- but still with a hint of terror -- about how it's "coming down to the wire," and Carolyn giggles. Trump, one hand underneath the table and out of sight for some reason, hums to himself. "That should be an interesting cab ride; they'll be fighting all the way home."

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Apprentice

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