Blow Out

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: F | Grade It Now!
Lesson Ten: Girls R Just Dum

Sean whines about how it's "okay for me to think differently from you," which is something people only whine about as a last defense, because it's the opposite of standing by your convictions -- it's a whole lot more like asking for permission to have thoughts. His ass is gone next week. Allie hugs Roxanne and then Tammy, Mean Girling in front of Sean about how "Normally, to have somebody come to your defense" like they did would require knowing them "for years!" Sean interview-begs for a story arc for this episode, which will last until the credits roll in a few seconds, all about how there's this "strong unity" among the women, and that he could "well be the scapegoat now." Please, somebody tell me I'm not a woman? One of these things is not like the others, right? Allie comes in to Sean attempting to out-admirable him by saying she has no strategy, and that she had no idea Sean was "strategic like that," referring to trying to get her fired by defending Andrea. Roxanne listens as Sean spins a ludicrous tale of how he was trying to defend himself, somehow, because he was scared of being sent home despite not being a target or having done anything wrong. Which, I am sure he was scared, or whatever, but grow the hell up and get your story straight. Tammy's like, "...But weren't going home... You...knew that?" She says this exactly like Quinn's Asian friend that talked really slow. Of course, Sean starts screaming and flailing and making no sense at this point, his voice so high you can barely understand him. It's very impressive in how deeply unimpressive and embarrassing it is.

Allie's voice gets even higher as well: "What are you talking about?" He tries to explain about how he didn't want to be brought back into the Boardroom with Andrea, and have to face both her and Allie -- people who have, you know, ever done a damned thing -- in the Boardroom. He flails more and talks -- when I say "flails," you know I mean physically flails, right? Not like rhetorically flailing? Actual limbs, everywhere? -- about how there are the "three ladies," and then Sean on the side, but it's like he doesn't realize that's all on him and has nothing to do with them. Roxanne somewhat disingenuously explains that "the three ladies" in the room currently don't play games like that -- "we're straight shooters," she says -- "sometimes to a fault." Which, I'll give you a pass on the total lie, but when you turn the total lie into some kind of self-deprecating statement about how secretly awesome you are? "Look, we're perfect in our integrity -- sometimes, it's almost just plain embarrassing!" Barf. I like Roxanne, but that would taste just as bitter even if it weren't a total fucking lie. Allie helps him out with some bonus lies about how they're not there to tell him "who to go after" or what his "opinion" should be, which I don't mind as much, because it's his fault for being a pushover in the first place, and the only person who doesn't know how pathetically unoriginal and weak Sean is, is Sean, so screw it. Roxanne says she has a "hard time swallowing" that he did this just out of fear of going home, even though in honesty that's the only thing he's said that's absolutely true. Allie just keeps going on and on about how his "strategy" didn't work out and trying to give the impression that "strategies" are something that only dirty people have, and Sean's just like, "Okay, whatever. Jeez." Allie interviews that he sold her out, making it harder to "buy this," but what she's buying...doesn't even make sense on its own terms, because he's just making it up, because he himself has no idea why he defended Andrea in the Boardroom, because he is a wanker. She then tells him it's okay, because "I know you love me, and I love you. I just don't want to be confused by you." Not to accuse Allie of being a woman, because I respect her too much to think of her that way, but: Gross. To the power of the googolplex.

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