Blow Out

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: F | Grade It Now!
Lesson Ten: Girls R Just Dum

The kids suddenly arrive at Trumpmoot without any morning call. Surely that means there's so much exciting footage that we can't spare a second for Rhona this week! I'll level with you -- in addition to being a frightening picture of the current problem of the American male, this episode is also bizarrely edited in the extreme. So Trump's hanging out with this guy who is a celebrity hairdresser (my favorite kind of non-celebrity!) and also a member of Trump's golf course, and wearing all-black. Bill looks terrified, but I think it's unlikely that it's because he knows what's going to happen next. Trump and hair guy talk about some shit that is so boring neither of them can actually pay too much attention, and then Trump notifies the Apprenti, for what seems like the billionth time, how he is a brand to be reckoned with. He has a fragrance (we know!), clothes...but everybody just wants to talk about his frickin' hair all the time. Apparently Trump didn't get the memo that jokes about his hair have reached an All Your Bwah Are Belong To Us level of no-longer-funny and that nobody's talking about it anymore. Except the Apprenti and Carolyn, who laugh both nervously and with no small amount of disgust. He asks one of them to "examine" his hair for authenticity, and Charmaine volunteers. She does her Charmaine Salesgirl impression that's so funny, like she's admiring one of Ron Popeil's food storage systems -- "That is definitely your hair! I never doubted it for a minute!" -- and they all laugh at what a sad old man their hero has turned out to be up close. "It may not be pretty, but it's me," Trump says (admittedly, this part is adorable), and Tarek laughs appreciatively, because the only word he's ever heard, besides "Mensa," is "pretty."

The "hair business," Trump tells us, is a $150B industry (which: mad props to Trump for finally pronouncing correctly), and one yooge franchise is The Hair Cuttery, a business nobody has ever heard of, which looks and behaves exactly like a damned Supercuts. The Cuttery guy, on pain of death, admires Trump's hair, both in style and color, and we finally get to the task: oversee the grand opening of one of two new Hair Cuttery locations -- revenue at day's end will determine the winning team. They all head to the elevators, doing the dead-eyed Sarah Silverman yuppie voice: "That was really funny. That was so funny." Before the elevator doors close, Tammy yells at Charmaine, "You didn't get the back! Check out the back!" There is silence in the elevator of such deafening loudness that I assume Tammy's going to be fired by the end of the episode, if not kneecapped by Carolyn herself for taking the Hair humor one step too far.

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