Apprentice
Blow Out

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Jacob Clifton: F | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Ten: Girls R Just Dum

Weekly Wisdom: "Watch Your Back." Trump tells us that he views everybody as wanting his job, meaning that you have to view everybody as your competition. He tells some group of sad individuals about how they have to "go after" the competition, and "fight hard," and "win." Those lucky people to have paid money to hear Trump tell them that the heart of competition is competing. "If you have the top spot, don't let anybody take that from you... Stay focused." I don't know what bearing this has on the episode, because Tarek's not leading jackshit, he's just acting like an asshole because he can't handle Charmaine being in control. Maybe this advice is meant for Tarek and that, as a man, he should never have let Charmaine be PM in the first place. The rest of the episode would seem to suggest that.

Tammy and Sean go around doing marketing on foot, selling 50% off kids' haircuts, and Tammy says she likes selling with him, and he says he just likes spending time with her, and hugs her on a street corner, and it's weird. They tell Allie and Roxanne about how they've brought flyers to the people all over, and they're all four quite hungry, so then we get a back and forth of Allie and Roxanne eating Chinese food and Sean and Tammy on the saddest, squirmiest, stupidest "date" in history. Here is some advice from me to you: if you meet a boy and he says anything approaching the sentiment that he "falls in love ten times just walking down the street," or anything like that concept, that he's just so romantic that he can't keep his shit on his side of the fence, you fucking put on some cross-trainers and don't stop running until you hit the state line. Those boys will suck your brain out. You can think that you are just friends, and then a year later somehow he'll have married you because he thinks he's ready for grown-up love, but he's not, and he probably never will be until he is hurt very badly, and there you are: no brain left at all, dust all over your guitar, wondering why your friends keep referring to his "creepy bisexual vibe" whenever they're drunk, and why he gets so bitchy about having to share the remote or spend time with any of your friends. I'd stake my reputation on it, as a foremost expert in judging people's deep psychological shit based on a few seconds of camera time like I have any business doing so: Sean is one of these boys.

Anyway, Roxanne and Allie discuss "the Crafty Brit" and his unending charm, and Roxanne points out the very salient fact that suspicious people are always shady themselves. That cannot be stressed enough. She floats the concept that he's all about flying under the radar, which I think gives him too much credit, because I'm fairly certain that's just how he is, and Allie gets very verbatim Lee again about how Sean got scared that she was "going to fire him," so he turned on her. "He sold his soul," says Allie, getting jiggy with Satan for like the eightieth time. Roxanne asks what he's up to now -- "Trying to get back in Tammy's good graces?" -- and they talk about how she would never date him, how it's "over for him," and they're right, but there is a sadness that pertains to this, because they're acting like they're so totally over it. When like, just yesterday, they were rolling like thunder in bed with the Crafty Brit, so it comes off, again, very Band Camp and sour grapes. Which is unsettling on another level, because (a) he's gross-looking, and (b) he misplaced his entire junk somewhere over the Atlantic before they even met him.

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Apprentice

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