Blown Away

Episode Report Card
Joe R: B- | Grade It Now!
Prostitution Bore

In fact, once again, Aubrey is taking everything on, usurping the task from Teresa. Which is just as well because Teresa is too busy not letting the Lisa thing go. While Arsenio supervises the product shoot (good thing Aubrey allowed it!), Aubrey is busy crowning herself the queen of the universe. Specifically, she asks Teresa if she wants her to be the redhead model instead of THE MODEL. What a fucking psycho. Later, Aubrey is trying on wardrobe with her tits hanging out. Teresa is all shocked about it in her interview. "Do you have any morals?" Um, no, actually, Aubrey does not have any morals, but it's got nothing to do with her boobs getting pixelated on NBC. Also, TERESA GUIDICE just called someone else's morality into question. Trump really does end up warping the reality of whomever is near him.

At the photo shoot, Aubrey has giant Chad Michaels-as-Florence-Welch hair, and she is like a pig in shit about all the attention she's getting. "You know what guys, I think we should try to get as tight of a shot as we can 'cause he told me I have pretty eyes." Swear to God. She talks about how this is her big revenge for all those Elle worst-dressed lists she's been on. Honey, you're still dressed like an asshole, though. And you're not in Elle yet. "I look so good as a hair model. My hair looks so fierce. It's just undeniable, helloooo?" My only hope is that Aubrey O'Day ceases to exist when there are no cameras on her. I cling to that hope every day.

Meanwhile, Teresa says she's a "big fan of photography" because she takes photos of her nightmare daughters at home. She also notes that Arsenio isn't doing much of anything on the task.

At the team's presentation, Teresa is a fucking disaster reading off her index cards. Or expounding about the product or her team's ads. Or sounding like a functioning human being with neurons. She sounds like she's just learning to read. Aubrey obviously looks like a genius by comparison, and of course she pimps herself out to Farouk. The lighting on these photos, by the way, is CRUNK as hell, all weird saturated colors, like it's in the back room of a nightclub. "And that's our presentation," Teresa says, ending the presentation with a weird car-show pose last seen during a Showcase Showdown on The Price Is Right. Aubrey, as usual, takes credit for EVERYTHING. "I saved the day," and all that.

Team Forte:
Right at the outset, Lisa and Clay give interviews to the effect that they're not going to refrain from going after the other if they fuck up. But as usual, they work really well together. Lisa notes the touch screen on the hair dryer, sure, but also that it's lightweight and quiet and "a lot more than what you see on the outside," so she decides on a concept about women who are not what they seem on the outside. Clay worries the concept is too "busy" (or abstract) for a print ad, but he's willing to go with it.

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