Apprentice
Bringing Down The House

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Fop till you drop
Previously on I'm Too Sexy For My Uniform Shirt: The teams returned to the welcoming nipples of Donny Deutsch, who oversaw an assignment in which they created a recruiting ad campaign for the NYPD. Elizabeth and Andy were both deeply skeptical of their teams' advertising ideas, but where Andy took the route of politely sticking to his own view and fulfilling his role as PM, Elizabeth decided to go with her team. Or maybe not. Or, wait, maybe so. Or not. She'll get back to you Tuesday. Ultimately, Andy's campaign, while weak in the execution, was coherent and well-conceived, while Elizabeth's was ugly and scary and cheesy and kind of incomprehensible. (Incidentally, in the previouslys, Trump refers to the campaign as "militant," which really isn't the word he's looking for, unless the campaign has sprouted legs and started marching around with a flag, demanding the release of political prisoners.) Apex got its ass kicked, and when they headed to the Boardroom, it was time to gang up on Elizabeth. And gang up they did, exposing every waffle and every weak point, to the point where Trump cut the Boardroom session off before the time even came for the final table. He just sent Elizabeth packing, changing the rules in midstream for one person without warning as has been his peculiar bent this year. Oh, and everyone who had previously seemed tolerable turned into a raging jackass. Ten are left. (Ten? There are still TEN? Good grief. Can we start peeling them off two at a time, because...seriously. I can't believe there's one for every finger I have, and it leaves nine that I can't even assign to the most appropriate finger.) Who will be fired this week?

Credits. Props to whatever tortured soul has the thankless job of trying to make Trump look sexy. You do brave, if futile, work.

Tonight, as we look down at New York, we are encouraged to admire a searchlight, its rays clawing the sky in desperation, asking people to please begin transferring the hate to the Red Sox until the Yankees win another World Series. Then, for some reason, we are tourists all of a sudden, and we're looking at the subway, and then the big Radio City sign, and then a carriage ride...all of this before returning to S5 for what should be the Aspiring Corporate Weasel Death Watch. Up in the suite, everyone is hanging out in one of the bedrooms, where Wes is saying that he "will be gravely surprised" (whatever "gravely surprised" means) if Elizabeth returns from the Boardroom alive. In fact, if she can pull off the escape, she will be "Houdini." Just another connection between Donald Trump and the occult. Andy, on the other hand, thinks that if Elizabeth keeps her cool and sticks up for herself, and if Raj doesn't back off the military theme, Raj could go instead. I can't believe Andy doesn't think foppishness is an impenetrable protective shield.

The door to the suite opens, and Jen -- more self-congratulatory by the week -- strolls in, along with...oh, look, the entire rest of her team. Obviously, this is not what Mosaic will be expecting, as there should be a partial team returning while the rest head for the final table. The final table that, you will recall, never was. Mosaic pokes its head out of the bedroom where most of it is gathered, and in spite of not being the most observant group on the planet, it does notice that the only person not back is Elizabeth. Chris, and especially Jen, recount the humiliation of Elizabeth with obvious glee that I can only hope they find fairly embarrassing in retrospect. It just isn't necessary to wallow in how awesome you find the shitty way somebody was treated, especially somebody inept but not remotely malicious like Elizabeth. Maria at least has the decency to put all of them in it together, noting that every time they go into the Boardroom this year, it seems like "something insane happens." She does not say, "Like the times I haven't been fired," the way she should.

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