Apprentice
Bringing Down The House

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Fop till you drop

Kevin and Jen perform the random draw of the PM, and the name that comes up is Raj. As Kevin tells Raj that he's going to be the boss, Kevin interviews that Raj is in a bit of a spot, after not having a great week last week. Showing a level of rational planning that threatens to make him appear perhaps overqualified for the show, Raj sits down with Kevin and asks, based on previous performance, how he (meaning Raj) could do a better job this time. Kevin tells Raj that he just needs to "make sure everybody's coordinated." Wow. That's some ass-kicking strategic combat advice there, Sun Tzu. Did you come up with that on your own? Kevin leaves out the other thing he is apparently thinking, which is, "And by all means, don't listen to my dumb-ass suggestions, because it's your own fault if you do." "I better win this one," Raj says with a grin as he leaves the room.

The next morning, the phone rings in the suite, and Kelly runs out to answer it. With no shirt on, of course, because that's how all men on the show sleep. Rhona says that Trump wants them to meet him at 9:00 AM at the penthouse apartment at Trump Park Avenue. I wonder if Rhona is ever tempted to tell whomever answers the phone not to call the cops and to bring $20,000 in small, unmarked bills. (Not to enter a second level of tangent, but why do people demand unmarked bills? Do they think ransom delivery people provide marked bills on the theory that the kidnapper doesn't mind marked bills, or that this is some kind of undiscovered technicality? Anyway.) Kelly thanks Rhona and hangs up.

Over at the apartments, Trump and Carolyn are touring some construction and receiving an update. Trump is undoubtedly displeased, and only the installation of extra gold unicorn faucets will pacify him. The teams show up, don their Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth Memorial Plaintiff-Proof Hardhats in a brilliant yellow, and head out onto what looks like the penthouse patio. Pink-tie Trump heads out to meet them, and it is here that I notice that only Raj has chosen to shun his hardhat and hold it under his arm like a sissy. He's either angling for a conk on the head, or he actually thinks his hair is above mussing. Either way? Dink.

Trump welcomes them, and he says that they're going to be working in his favorite field -- real estate. He adds that they're on the 35th floor of an apartment building on which he blew a huge amount of money, and the apartments start at 1.5 million dollars, and go up to 30 million. So you'll need to have a steady job and a credit check, probably. On the plus side, free cable! The week's NotGeorge will be Matthew Calmeri, who works on this very building and, presumably, knows something about real estate. Carolyn will be there as always, shaking her head and looking totally disgusted, which is kind of becoming her version of the Moonwalk. Trump tells the teams that in this task, they'll be heading for the Long Island suburbs, where each group will take on a dilapidated house. They'll get $20,000 to renovate it, and at the end, appraisers will do a walk-through. Whichever team adds the most value to its property will be the winner. And will need to be counseled on the tax consequences. Trump hands out product-placed VISA cards with the money on them to PMs Raj and (apparently) Sandy, cautioning Raj to spend the money on the house, and not on women. HILARIOUS, that joke. Never gets old. No, no, Donald -- don't seek out new material. I just want to hear some more about how Nick and Amy will probably get maaaarried.

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Apprentice

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