Cereal Killers

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Lesson Four: How To Sell Brent Michael Buckman Down The River Once Again

If your choice is E., let's chat. Life is not a debate. Life does not care if you've got it all figured out in your head, and the pieces as you see them might fit together or not, but life doesn't care. Get real with the facts and stop trying to argue it out. If you respond authentically, from a place of logic that doesn't frame everything in the reference of your insanity, you'll find that the need for "arguing" drastically lowers in frequency. There are all kinds of people that can go weeks, months, years, without having to initiate a single "debate" on the basics of life. Why do you think that is? Optional Essay: If your choice is E., then why aren't you happy? Is it possible that people actually exist when you're not in the room, or that their little rooms are filled with just as much shit and weirdness and pain as yours is? If you jump out of a plane without a parachute, no amount of rhetorical skill is going to stop your descent at thirty-two feet-per-second per second. Understand that there are rules of social interaction, an entire physics of people, that are similarly immutable, and devote yourself to learning them, not arguing them. The way you want things to be is rarely how they are going to be, without regard to how much you wish otherwise. At some point, we must realize there is no one watching: no authority that's going to even things out on your behalf because of what's "fair" according to your needs and wants. That's your responsibility, and if you don't assume it, all the resentment in the world isn't going to make anything better. I'm convinced that, next season, they're just going to have actual sociopaths, stabbing each other at night. That's the only way I could be more exasperated. Sorry about the lecture.

So Trump asks Tammy why the Gold Rush billboard was better. He admits to liking both, which is sporting of him, but notes that, as time wore on -- and the differences were explained to him in easy-to-understand language -- the Rushees had a better billboard. Even though they were both good. Andrea admits that the Synergy billboard was "cluttered," with which George is in full agreement, but this gives Tammy the opening to jump in and cut Andrea out of the equation altogether, in a very subtle and non-arguable way: "We all brainstormed, and as a group, we came to the consensus of the slogan." Which has the additional advantage of being completely true, which means it spreads out the dumbness equally over all of them. Trump asks for the slogan again, and Tammy almost laughs with how dumb they were, rolling her eyes about how easily she walked into it. It's very funny. She takes a breath. "Introducing the next generation...Post Grape-Nuts Trail Mix Crunch Cereal..." She closes her eyes and takes a moment, and then even Ivanka is like, "Whoa!" when she starts talking again, extending it longer and longer: "The cereal for everybody..." After a second to make sure she's done, George offers that if you have to put it all "in text" you lose the ad value, and Tammy agrees. Ivanka is soooo awesome as she compares Synergy's to the other billboard: "She is ravenous! She's trying to get as much of this in her mouth as possible! It was exciting!" I love that Ivanka can just jump in with this like the water's fine and there's no creepy sexual element, like if Donald had said it. Ivanka Trump is my total hero. ["Ha! My sister happened to be walking through the room just as this part aired, and I rewound that so she could hear it and we could both reply, in unison, That's What She Said." -- Wing Chun]

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