Apprentice
Cereal Killers

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Lesson Four: How To Sell Brent Michael Buckman Down The River Once Again

Trump asks how Tammy was as Project Manager, and this is the reply from Brent: "Tammy stank as a Project Manager, and it smells right over here, Mr. Trump." Ivanka actually flinches at this. What's with the bodily secretions, Brent? Like you're not nasty enough, you gotta pull the stinks and smells in all over the place too? Could you be more odious? Andrea rolls her eyes up like she's having a seizure. Tammy starts to express her disappointment that Brent disliked her management so much, but Trump's stuck on the "stank": "That's a very tough statement. In fact, Andrea, I think you almost threw up just now." She's like, "Pretty much." Trump addresses Tammy: "Horrible? Disgusting? Terrible? Frankly, you didn't do a bad job. The other team was better, but you did okay." Which he's now said I think three times. Two of which were before Brent got weird.

Andrea summarizes that Brent is embarrassing, and a liability to the team. Brent turns on her like a wolverine: "I think you're a liability to the team! How do you like that one, Ohhhnndrea?" Andrea laughs, because Brent's ass is grass and they all know it, and he's acting crazy and saying crazy things, and is sucky anyway. "Um, that doesn't bother me," she tells him. Brent continues to talk at her, but to Trump, because that's all he ever does -- beg for attention in the most self-defeating way possible: "If Mr. Trump asks me to expand on that, I will!" Is this the Weapon of Mass Brent he's been talking about? Are we about to go thermo-Brentacular? Andrea's not even kidding with the laughter now. "Oh, please do!" Just blowsy and perfect and dismissive. Normally, the "I'd love to hear it" response is kind of a cheat, but honestly: don't you want to see where this goes? If you were Andrea, wouldn't you be secretly hoping Brent whipped it out right there?

Trump cuts this off, or it's edited out, so that Trump can bring up the income issue again. Why? Is this to balance out the shittiness of Andrea's bringing it up? You know I think she's a contender -- if we're going to have her here for the long haul, what better way to cancel out the shitty thing she said earlier by having All-Father Trump say it, in his infinite wisdom? Andrea sniffs, like, "I'm totally rich, motherfucker," and my sympathy for Brent is so incredibly low that I don't even hate her for it.

Roxanne describes Brent as "hard to deal with," and says he "doesn't listen," and Brent's off again: "Outside of this group of people, a lot of my friends do love dealing with me, because I am a very good people person." I find the affidavit of Brent's friends dubious at best, given that they associate with...Brent. They may be wonderful, but the only thing we know about Brent's friends is that they are friends of Brent. Assuming that they exist at all. Ivanka tries to level: "But Brent, your team doesn't love dealing with you." Like, "See the distinction?" Brent just throws up his hands: "You know what, this a tough team to deal with." Cobra, right there. I hate that so much. "Destiny is just soooo capricious that in a sample set of seven people, self-selected or not, all happen to hate me for reasons that science cannot explain."

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Apprentice

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