Apprentice
Cereal Killers

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Lesson Four: How To Sell Brent Michael Buckman Down The River Once Again

Tammy goes turbo about how the reality is basically that Brent has been a drag on every single project, because they're not operating with seven people, but with six, plus the resources it takes to manage him. Brent interrupts her, but she keeps talking about how he can't finish a project, pissing off George and causing Andrea to shake her head amazedly. Brent: "That is not true, Mr. Trump. I have put in good ideas to all these projects Mr. Trump. My ideas have been listened to, finally. I have saved this team's behind, Mr. Trump." Again with the behinds and all that. God. "This is a bunch of baloney, Mr. Trump. If I wasn't here, this team might be 0 and 4 instead of 2 and 2." Roxanne literally cracks up at this last piece of crazy. "I have great ideas, Mr. Trump. I put them forward. Some ideas are taken and some are not."

Ivanka's on Brent like gold leaf on something her Dad owns: "In all fairness, you were the one that sort of opened the floodgates here, tonight. I mean, you were the first one to attack Tammy and say she stank [he tries to interrupt, is struck down, nods dumbly] as a leader? I mean, they weren't really attacking you yet. I mean, now people are kind of ganging up on you a little bit." I love how she's like, "See this 2 and this 3? Can you tell me how many apples?" And Brent's response, as always, is "Apples smell like doody! They should go to jail! They should be ashamed as attorneys! Apples are an embarrassment! I am the boss of all apples and the best leader apples have ever seen, but God made apples hate me! The apples have sold Brent Michael Buckman down the river once again!" Andrea drops her shoulders; she knows it's over. Ivanka continues: "Because maybe it's the way you approach situations? The way you...interact with people? It's an interpersonal dynamic that...that's why they don't like you?" I think that a first date with Ivanka Trump would really go my way. If I could explain the baby and the boyfriend, I mean. I would like to discuss some things with her. Who knew I could love a Trump? "My only love, sprung from my only hate." Brent argues with Ivanka: "I was asked my opinion by Mr. Trump!" As though that's relevant. Trump's stuck on the verbiage: "Why couldn't you be more moderate? You said she stank!" Ivanka deadpans the awful truth: "It's offensive." Brent pulls a really weird left turn: "I was offended when Tammy said I was too fat to do the presentation!" Tammy's like, "I didn't say that!" Brent: "In so many words." Bloody huh? Trump asks you to choose different words, and you respond by saying you were offended by the words somebody else didn't say? Maybe the sociopaths are already here. I think this is a case of attorney Brent having come up with a certain number of "arguments" guaranteed to win success, and then got blindsided by people repeating his own gross and overblown talk back at him -- an attack for which he has no defense, because he couldn't have reasonably known he would gross everybody out, because his image is predicated on him never knowing that -- so he just reached for the closest one, which was the "nobody actually called me fat but I am so mad" argument. I mean, I'm glad he brought it up, because Tammy's an idiot for getting within five miles of that argument with a person of his size and she needs to understand that, but still. The linguistics of this, the speech-act working out of this, are ironic.

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Apprentice

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