Apprentice
Cereal Killers

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Lesson Four: How To Sell Brent Michael Buckman Down The River Once Again

Brent goes to interview and immediately gets limply rageful about how he's not allowed to do the presentation "because [he's] fat," and that Tammy "treats [him] like...a piece of dirt," which we haven't really seen. "I can't stand her face," he says, jiggling all over the place with something like anger. On the other hand, I'm impressed with his reaction back outside the meeting room: he cordially thanks her for her time and drops it. I guess he learned from the Stacy thing after all.

Trump Weekly Wisdom ain't even trying this week. "Keep It Simple, Stupid!" on a title card, and then Trump talking for five seconds with zero action shots about how something "too detailed, too complex" will always go "over the heads" of a large portion of the demo. Not that I enjoy this segment, usually, but Trump's just telling us what's going to happen for the rest of the episode, and like any virile young man with a poetic heart, I do prefer a bit of mystery.

PM Charmaine -- and let's talk about that a minute. I really, really enjoy when the beat-up (justifiably or otherwise) person gets the troops rallying around her, that "you deserve to be/have to be PM this week" deal. When they give in because the person is endangered and/or demoralized. Love it. And I hate that this moment was denied us for this episode, because it started off with a really intense session of freaking out that set up this kind of thing perfectly. I mean, I love the eventual dénouement here, but it still bugs me that we didn't get a second of the decisionmaking for Charmaine, because we were spending so much time on Brent and his crazy ass. So Charmaine asks the room what they know about the cereal, and Tarek (I believe) says that "it tastes pretty good" for starters, and Charmaine mentions "good health" and "whole grains," and then Dan makes a hilarious face and waxes explosively about how it has a "honey flavor to it that is amazing!" I love him so much. He's so willing to go there at any time and just completely Sales it up like that. "Homeless dudes are so very important, Mr. Trump! They have a honey flavor that is amazing!" I've said it before and I'll say it again: sales people are aliens to me and I love them for it. If any of the words Dan ever says came out of my mouth, I would actually drop dead right then. I am too, too self-conscious for that shit. I'm balls-out and exuberant and all, but the layer of falsity that you have to deny...it all has to do with the fact that even the word "karaoke" causes my stomach to flip over. I cannot watch people do it, even in the spirit of fun. That's like eating in the bathroom to me. Eating in the bathroom of my mind.

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Apprentice

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