Apprentice
Cereal Killers

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Lesson Four: How To Sell Brent Michael Buckman Down The River Once Again

Speaking of...delusion, Andrea is talking the talk hardcore: "I have a pretty good eye for that stuff." She tells us how she's done graphic for her four companies, and she's comfortable with it. She and Graphics Lady continue their conversation; Brent keeps talking to nobody. Andrea interviews that anyone Brent "gets his hands on," he immediately sucks out their life force. It's clear that this is what's happening to the poor graphic designer from Post. Andrea continues restating the basic Brent Conundrum like she just came up with it. In the office, Brent keeps asking the lady to change the graphics around "for [his] own curiosity," as though that isn't the most fucking obnoxious thing he could do. I guess he's hoping to roll a seven with one of them and they'll all spontaneously start clapping and crying and he'll finally be popular. Based on his manipulation of text in a cereal ad. I guess it could happen. The whole team is like, "DUDE!" and finally Andrea spits, "Time is really of the essence, so what you need to do right now is an outstanding job on everything that you're doing, Brent." This is stressful in terms of the room's energy, and the other Post rep goes a little green, but I assume that Brent has some kind of duties we don't know about, or else this wouldn't make any sense.

Brenterview: "I don't think Andrea ["OHHHHHNdrea"] is an expert in graphics design. The only thing I think Andrea is an expert in is being an asshole." That made me laugh. "Andrea, you might be joining Tammy in a taxicab -- and I hope you both have a good time smelling each other's crap, because you both stink!" This is punctuated with a lot of nodding and creepy smiling to himself, like this is a poop joke Brent shares with...anyone. Maybe Chevy Chase would laugh, but only if he's old enough to be senile.

Then Tammy and Andrea are both assholes, kind of. Everybody on the team talks about how much they love the design -- which looks like a total ripoff of the Cheerios heart-shaped bowl, at this point -- and they all agree that they "nailed it," and Michael nods portentously, and Andrea agrees forcefully, and they smile fakely at each other, and tell each other just how much they love each other, giggling cruelly and whatever, I haven't seen anybody do that since about third grade. "Oh, aren't we such good friends? I love that we're all such good friends. Did you hear somebody talking about a giant spoon? No? Must have been a bird or something. Wanna come over to my house after school? I have a TV in my room and sixteen ponies in all the colors of the rainbow, but my mom says I can only have three friends over at a time, so..." It's all for Brent's benefit, but it's not like he's going to understand what they're trying to tell him, which is that he's put himself outside the circle and only a superhuman act of getting his shit together is going to get him inside. It's hilarious to watch, but...fucking grow up. That's such a fallback position. Tammy and Andrea giggle and Brent looks worried and left out. As intended. By all three of them.

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