Cruise Control

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B+ | Grade It Now!
Lesson Five: Zip It! How Many Times Do You Need To Hear This?

Carolyn asks Dan what makes NCL better, and he tries to explain some shit, and she's very condescending and interrupty, and then -- it doesn't matter what he says, to us or to her, or really to him -- yells at him about how it's all meaningless because there was no voice-over, which was her whole point. Bill agrees and says that this was the fatal blow, and Lenny nods vigorously. And he's right to, but I kind of wish he'd jumped in here, because it would make him less shady to just openly say this instead of the weird and creepy potshots.

Tarek gives an absolutely idiotic speech about the nature of things including the media and commercials, and how commercials can have voice-overs or not, and draws a comparison to art, which can be Impressionist or not, and sounds like a fucking moron, on top of being actually wrong. Lee laughs in a very obvious, silly, stupid way, and Trump goes on a long rant that basically resolves down to: "The wrath of a man like me is never quite so harsh as when my man-crush is disappointed. Which will always happen, because underneath the love is outrageous hatred, and that's the ground my precious house of love is built upon, because I am as jealous of you, Tarek, as I am enamored. Frankly, it was a relief in the first week to fall out of love with you, because handing over that much of my personal shit to you simply because you're beautiful and in Mensa was kind of exhausting, and now that I have that power back, I am embarrassed and ashamed of how fawning and silly I acted toward you, and now all I can see is rage, because you seemed to be everything I want to be, which is angrifying enough, but now that I can see you're not, all I have is disgust all the way down, and I'm counting the days until I have you killed, so nobody will ever know I secretly wanted to be in Mensa and look like Orlando Bloom. Your priorities are even more fucked up than my own, which gives me a sense of inordinate well-being."

As this goes on and on and fucking on, Lee laughs with a little something brown on his nose, and Lenny says, under his breath, that Mensa is not what Trump thinks because "it's only 18 dollars" and because "you can do it online." It's hilarious, which makes up for the sadness of Tarek finally figuring out (for like the third time) how efficiently Trump has fucked him over in this "interview" and that the only way he's getting out of here is in a bodybag, because if you've ever been the subject of corporate obsession, elevating or obsessing, either direction, you know how horribly inescapable it is. And it always starts with that, with "you're so smart" or "you're so pretty," and before you know it, you're responsible for all kinds of their personal shit and sabotaging them in ways you'll never even be privy to and generally making their lives hell without even trying, because that's what that kind of energy-exchange always turns into. It's the undertow that exemplifies stalled-out middle management. Tarek half-blames the team, and this blonde woman says there was no one leader, because Dan and Tarek split everything down the middle because they are just like that, and Trump asks Lee what he thinks of Dan.

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