Apprentice
Decision Time (2)

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Flair, Care, And The Dirty Chair

Trump indeed begins the semi-new part of the show by reminding the audience that only two people remain. Kelly is described as holding an MBA, but is not described as also holding a JD, which -- come to think of it -- he does. Presumably, this is because that would make the firing of Kevin look kind of dick, which -- come to think of it -- it was. Kelly says that his leadership style is to be "collaborative" at the beginning to bring everyone under his intoxicating military spell, and then to crack the whip and step on necks until everyone does what he wants. Sexy! As for Jen: in case you've forgotten that she has an Ivy League background, Trump reminds you. Somehow, he claims that she "has managed to avoid conflict," meaning he missed the last several episodes of his own show in which she called other people stupid and wound up in the middle of a couple of screaming hissy matches. In a comment more telling than she thinks it is, Jen announces that her leadership style is "all about delegating and overseeing." Also known as "They work hard, so I don't have to."

Trump reminds us that Kelly is working on the Genworth polo match, and Jen is working on the Genworth charity basketball game, and Genworth (ch-ching!), Genworth (ch-ching!), Genworth (ch-ching!). Genworth is pretty and smart and smells like cookies. I actually started out to count the number of times someone says "Genworth" in this episode, but I realized that I was going to run out of fingers and toes, even if I borrowed yours. Anyway, "helping" with the tasks, in the same way a three-year-old "helps" with the baby by stuffing spinach into its ears, will be three fired ex-apprenti on each team. Kelly has Elizabeth, Raj, and John, known as Team Under-Motivated; while Jen has Stacy, Pamela, and Chris, known as Team Over-Utilized. Kelly learned last week that Tony Bennett was coming (good!), but it was raining (bad!). Jen learned that Chris Webber was theoretically coming (good!), but Chris Webber wasn't actually coming (bad!). Tonight, we will find out how the tasks turn out, and watch for signs of weakness that can be dwelt upon for years to come, causing screaming and fist fights even among the utterly unaffected. Good times.

Credits. You know, the first sign of finale bloat is when you're running credits at minute twelve. I mean, Alias can do it, but they've usually shot a couple of guys and blown up a cargo van by then.

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Apprentice

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