Decision Time (3)

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C- | Grade It Now!
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, K-E-L-L-Y...

Regis goes down to the front row, where he locates Boyfriend Bill and talks to him about the fact that he's been through what these candidates are going through right now. Bill's hairline really does seem to be receding quickly. I think Trump is doing something bad to him. Stop it, Trump! Boyfriend Bill starts by stating that Kelly and Jen are "both winners," which is easy for him to say, obviously. He earnestly goes on to explain to Regis that Kelly "really stepped up." In an attempt to snap my heart clean in half, Bill says that Kelly "took accountability for his actions." Oh, did he? Did he, Boyfriend Bill? Because if he also "thought outside the box," we can just end our imaginary romance right now, and I will move on to someone else. Nick is funny, you know. Bill credits Kelly for owning up to mistakes, and says that Kelly also offered results, so Kelly's the man. As Boyfriend Bill is trying to sit down, Trump makes him get back up and asks, "Did you enjoy being The Apprentice?" "I had an amazing, amazing experience," Bill says with a grin, and then adds, "and I still am having an amazing experience with you and many of your staff." Because Boyfriend Bill is just now trying to figure out whether Trump just fired his ass. So Trump makes him sit down, just as Boyfriend Bill is explaining the "softer side" of the big guy. Ew. For once, I think I owe Donald Trump a favor. Carolyn laughs, because she thinks that Bill is as cute as a fuzzy bunny, which he is.

Next, Trump calls on Allen, Trump's CFO and one of last year's Horsemen, and asks him, "How do you feel?" Allen says that he's been with Trump for many years. And he can no longer hold back his feelings. No, not really. He says that leadership and objectives and "winning at the end" are qualities the apprentice should have. So therefore, everyone has to be fired, and we have to start over. Again, not really. Actually, he thinks that Kelly has those qualities, and should be hired. And Jen should be made to empty the wastebaskets. No, again, I must admit, that last part did not really happen. It's like I'm spinning multiple alternative realities, all of which may now exist out there somewhere. I should stop before I reverse the magnetic poles.

Next up is Alan Jope, the Unilever guy who was one of the Neo-Horsemen. Isn't the suspense killing you about all of this? Well, the typing is killing me, so here's the deal: Jope likes Kelly. In part because, although he calls Jen and Kelly both "outstanding candidates," he thinks that Kelly is "a heck of a good human being, and these days, [he thinks] that still counts for something." Ouch. Hee. Anyway, Jope is another Kelly-liker.

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