Apprentice
Decision Time (3)

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Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, K-E-L-L-Y...

Trump now asks Regis to go talk to the person who has the best win-loss record on tasks in the history of the show, in case you've forgotten. "She's very beautiful, also. Right, Amy? And everyone thought I was going to pick you because you're beautiful, but it didn't happen." Amy -- who certainly is wearing a lot of hot pink -- opens by complimenting Jen as also quite beautiful. Amy then says that she "wanted to see a woman win this season," and for quite a while, she was pulling for Jen. But ultimately, she decided that Jen was "a little bit [sic] confrontational, afraid to step up and take a leadership responsibility." And she thinks that Kelly is a strong leader whose background will fit great for Trump: "He knows when to step up and lead, he knows when to shut up and listen, and most importantly, he knows what it means to hail to the chief." I can't believe she's still sucking up. And furthermore, you would think Amy would have gotten a more attractive dress, because she really is a pretty girl, but that dress looks like a coat, it makes her look bulkily pregnant without making her look resplendently pregnant, and the flat hair is not going her face any favors. Not that it's about that, really. Because this is about merit, people.

Regis now says that when you apply for a job, you need references. So now, we're going to speak to Kelly's former commanding officer, whose name I am not going to try to spell. But Regis just wants the guy to know that the military rules, and not just in the martial-law sense. Everyone applauds for the troops. Yay, troops! The colonel stands up and tells Trump that Kelly is the guy, as he has shown "week after week after week." In other words, rather than giving his experience with Kelly, the officer is giving his opinion of the show, in which case he could have stayed home. He goes on to praise Kelly for the values he got from his family, and from the military, and the values that have made him a success. Kelly, Kelly, goooooo, Kelly! "You'd be remiss not to hire him," says the colonel. As a leader, is Kelly at the top or in the middle? "At the very top," says the colonel. It would have been great if he had said "It was fifteen years ago, hoss. How the hell do I know?" And then Regis throws us to San Diego for a party of some of Kelly's West Point classmates. Who, presumably, will take any opportunity for boozing.

Next up is Jen's boss, the head of American operations at Clifford Chance. "I guess you're rooting for Jennifer to win it here, right?" Regis asks. "Well," says the boss, "actually, now that I listen to all of these people, I realize that they must all be right, and Kelly is probably better, and I apologize for wasting everyone's time." No, no, he doesn't. Although didn't you think he was kind of going to? In fact, he says (of course) that he's pulling for Jen: "She's smart, she's tough, she's business-savvy -- but boss-to-boss, I'll tell you, you'd be making a mistake if you didn't hire her." And speaking "boss-to-boss," he probably likes her a lot more since he's in New York and she's in Palo Alto. They're not exactly having lunch together. Anyway, he insists that they would be sad to lose Jen, but that they'd be thrilled for her to win. And then we cut to the New York headquarters of Clifford Chance, where Jen doesn't work, where they're having a big party to scream with excitement for her. Oh, good. A room full of lawyers screaming. I see that room when I wake up in a cold sweat at 3 in the morning. Although again, for some reason? No pants.

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Apprentice

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