DNA, Heads, And The Undead Kitty

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
Adieu, Connoisseur of Art and Water

That night, Manhattan has many lights. And also buses. Heidi calls her mom, and apparently Mom tells her that it's going to take some treatment (apparently in addition to the surgery) to treat Mom's cancer. She interviews that Mom is doing well, and on the phone, she double-checks that Mom is with the best doctor. It's basically another reminder of how Heidi just wants to be awesome on behalf of her mother, which...I mean, if it changed her outlook permanently and made her less unpleasant to people, that would be great, although...I doubt it. And when I say I doubt it? I'm saying I doubt it. She interviews that she knows Kwame will take her to the Boardroom, and she's ready for it.

In S4, Assorama has a chat with Bill -- who, along with Amy, seems to be able to get along with her reasonably well, judging by what we've seen. She prattles to Boyfriend Bill about how Troy was worthless on the task, and didn't do anything except carry booze and clean the floor. It's more than Assorama has done on several of the tasks, but it's not like that's going to slow down the train of self-righteousness at this point. She interviews that she doesn't know Troy did anything that "leads to a victory." Unlike making $869 in sales, which totally was critical. Keep in mind as she preens for the rest of the episode that if everyone had done as well as Assorama did, the team wouldn't have lost by $10,000 or so. It's not like she carried her cash haul home in a convoy of six armored cars. In the Pink Scarf interview, she simply states that Kwame will not take her to the Boardroom, because she was the "artistic advisor" and did a bunch of other stuff. Yeah. She was the "artistic advisor" who told him that business-wise, Meghan's stuff was the only stuff that would bring them the money they needed to win. Why wouldn't he take her? It's goofy. She imagines in her own mind, and speaks as if it were fact, the notion that Kwame ignored her advice and went with Troy and Heidi. She's just delusional in a way I'm beginning to find kind of creepy.

In the kitchen, Heidi shrugs to Katrina and Nick that she's always taken to the final table "by default." Or, you know, because of the quality of her work, but why quibble? She says that if she were the PM, she'd have to nominate herself! Rimshot! She cackles at herself. Oh, so funny. Not. Assorama says that for the good of the team (roll your eyes with me one more time, folks), she wants Heidi to go. "Besides, I'm tired of hearing her say that she'd rather sell Tampax than artwork." That comment, while typically vulgar in a very Heidi-like way I'm not crazy about, does oddly make me chuckle, in part just because I love the idea that Heidi said it to Assorama during one of her art appreciation lessons. "This is an impressionist painting." "I'd rather sell Tampax." Hee. As if that weren't enough, Assorama says that Heidi is just proving Assorama's "theory that [Heidi] is the least classiest person." But fortunately not the leastest grammatically correctest. Assorama tells Bill, "Kwame could take me, but if he doesn't, I'm going to have my brutha up." Bill laughs, which I'm sure Assorama mistakenly believes is with her rather than at her, because that's the kind of perceptive girl that she is. She interviews that Kwame will now assess everyone's role, and she hopes he doesn't choose her, because she is "ready to go into that Boardroom fighting." Or, you know, weeping uncontrollably.

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