Apprentice
DNA, Heads, And The Undead Kitty

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Adieu, Connoisseur of Art and Water

After the commercials, the moon emerges, and we know that it is Boardroom night. Protégé walks into the Boardroom. Trump joins them. "Well, we've had some disasters, but this is the worst," he says. He recounts the magnitude of the defeat. He asks Kwame what happened. "We basically made a calculated risk that did not pay off." Kwame says, pretty much, that Meghan was weird, but she gave the impression of salability. Trump commends Assorama for being the only one who wanted Leah, although Trump apparently doesn't know that Assorama supported taking Meghan as a business decision. Assorama smiles. Heidi comically rolls her eyes. I still don't like her, but I will admit to being occasionally glad she's there to look disgusted when I feel disgusted. Trump tells a long story about some businessman who bought a bunch of stuff and watched it go up in value, and uses it to demonstrate -- again -- that you only should buy stuff you yourself actually like. His stories are kind of like that -- he tells a story about a guy who got in trouble for buying too many shoes, and the lesson is, "Don't buy too many shoes." There doesn't tend to be a lot of subtlety to the metaphors. Anyway, Assorama says that she "hoped and wished" that they could do well with Meghan, but she knew they couldn't. Again, very inconsistent with her previous statements, but hey. Whatever. It's all water under the bridge of delusions now.

George brings up the fact that he was watching them, and he doesn't think the outcome would necessarily have been different if they had taken a different artist. He thinks their biggest problem was teamwork, not the particular art they chose. I'm not sure a cohesive team could have sold the frogs and concubines and Psyche and Smut, but I know what George is getting at. Heidi tells the story about how Assorama wanted to sit down for a lengthy lunch break because of her aching head. Assorama, who I think believes that Trump is unaware of her injury and she's about to spring it on him, says, "Can I just tell you I've been walking around for a week with a concussion?" She goes on to say that she simply "needed a moment," and she brought the request to Heidi, who ignored her. It's all very tragic. Heidi -- quite correctly, ARGH -- says that Assorama was "fine in the morning," and it always seems to turn into a traumatic injury whenever she wants something. "I've been a trouper for this team," Assorama insists, reinventing "trouper" to mean something between "wimp" and "glaring liability." Trump asks her what having a concussion has to do with the length of lunch. "You got hit on the head with a little piece of plaster," he says, and he points out that pretty much all his life, he's been getting bonked with plaster, which is a line so awesome I need to stop the show right at that point and go buy some champagne so that I can toast Donald. Wait here until I get back. In fact, I suggest that you get yourself a drink as well, and then we can toast together while we watch the end of the episode.

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Apprentice

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