DNA, Heads, And The Undead Kitty

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
Adieu, Connoisseur of Art and Water

Okay. Everybody...toast! Assorama looks gobsmacked that Trump knows the nature of her trauma. "[Assorama], I mean, you know, give me a break." She insists that she's "not being dramatic." He double-checks that her story is that because of her horrible injury, she "took lunch instead of working." She asks whether he's insinuating that she was lazy, and he says he's not, and she looks around all innocent, saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't know I was going to be attacked for being hit on the head." Trump tells her she's not being attacked; he's just trying to understand her lame-ass argument in her own defense. He just doesn't see the connection between a piece of drywall popping you on the head and stopping days later for lunch. She insists that she "wanted to take five minutes to eat," which is totally false, because Heidi was perfectly willing to stop for a few minutes; she just didn't want to sit down and be served. Wait, when did I get myself on Heidi's side? Somebody get me a map and a compass. Trump asks Kwame if Assorama blows things out of proportion. Kwame says carefully that "at times she tends to exaggerate," and he thinks that he's not the only person who thinks so. Nor is it just this team that thinks so. Hee.

Now, it's time for Kwame to pick who goes to the final table. Heidi makes this really funny face like, "Oh, just SAY IT'S ME." Kwame says that Troy remains his best source of help, so compared to Troy, he has to take "the two ladies." Troy is sent upstairs, and the rest are sent into the lobby. Out in the lobby, Assorama, suddenly realizing that nobody is buying the head injury anymore, kicks it up a notch by crying all over Kwame about what a champ she is. She whimpers, he comforts her, et cetera. Heidi sits on the couch with a sour expression on her face, and then it hits me. In this episode? Heidi is me. The swearing! The eye-rolling! The hating of Assorama! The lack of knowledge about art! It's like Freaky Friday. She even makes a disgusted mouth-twisting grimace. I totally do that! Oy. This development confuses me, to say the least.

Next thing you know, Assorama goes and opens the door to the Boardroom. Trump looks rather mild, but we hear him yell, "[Assorama], I didn't call for you yet!" He still looks rather mild as she comes in and starts defending herself in a pitiful whimper: "Mr. Trump, I've worked for the last two weeks -- I've been running around for a week --" Trump cuts her off and says, more bored than angry, "We all have problems." Toast again! Despite them not having been called back, Kwame and Heidi have come in behind Assorama anyway, and as they sit down, Trump's like, "Life is full of problems," and Heidi's all, "Yeah, like cancer." Assorama asks to go back outside and grab a tissue. Even funnier, Trump says, "Yeah, grab a napkin." I have no idea why he said "napkin," but it was hilarious. Hey, is your glass ready? Clink me! Whee! She goes outside and, in the lobby, checks herself in a GIGANTIC mirror that apparently lives in her purse. Who carries around a mirror like that? It's not like she's looking in a compact -- she's got a flat mirror the size of a hardcover book! In her purse! Freak. Also, while she's gone, Heidi rolls her eyes, and Trump shoots her this look like, "Yeah, no shit." Clink!

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