DNA, Heads, And The Undead Kitty

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
Adieu, Connoisseur of Art and Water

VersaCorp has decided to start out splitting Bill and Amy from Katrina and Nick. Why would they pair Katrina and Nick after last week? Ugh. Now Nick will bomb with the powerful art distributors, and they won't want a pallet of art, and...I see disaster coming. Anyway, Nick and Katrina go to visit a guy who turns out to Andrei, another one of the artists. Katrina says that she really felt strongly about his stuff. I have to say, purely subjectively, that I too love Andrei's paintings, and would totally buy one. I mean, if I had a lot more money than I actually do. He calls himself a "nature-based abstract painter," and...I actually get that! His paintings sort of feel like the woods without depicting the woods in any literal sense. I feel so smart. Nick interviews that they also just liked Andrei and liked his attitude, and Nick liked the fact that Andrei was able to explain the art to them in a way that Nick, not a notorious art lover except in the "I kind of dig those miniature Japanese gardens you can get for your executive suite" kind of way, could understand.

Elsewhere, Bill and Amy meet with an artist named Leah. What Leah does is paint "snapshots of her life," as Bill explains it. They're mostly small pieces that look a lot like cartoonized photographs, and although that sounds like it would be stupid, they're mostly fairly pleasant little pieces. I'm not sure exactly what to say about Leah, except that she's perky and her stuff isn't as weird as what we're about to see.

And now, Protégé meets with Meghan. Meghan is a blonde with glasses whose living room features a big deer head. Or something similar. Heidi interviews that she was very excited on walking into Meghan's apartment, because the apartment was so swell. A great apartment! Meghan seems so nifty! Of course, "[s]he seemed a little creepy," Heidi allows. You're about to learn about Heidi's restrained use of the phrase "a little," among other things. Back in the apartment, Meghan explains that she's currently at work on "a series called Psyche and Smut," and she goes on to explain that it's about two sisters by those names. One is bad and one is good. Oh, and the city is "ruled by frogs and their concubines." So it's like those old "Goofus and Gallant" cartoons in Highlights magazine, except that instead of being about etiquette, it's about mescaline. Troy tries to explain Meghan thusly: "She has a looooot of different genres, and has this weeeeird kinda theme goin' on." I think it's safe to say that strings of vowels are generally required for any discussion of Meghan's work, because indeed, it's a liiiiiittle unusual. Troy goes on to say that although the customers may or may not be into her, Meghan's stuff goes for about $4000 per painting, which is more than twice as much as the other folks they've been seeing, so she seems like a good investment, if nothing else. I'm not sure how the prices are determined -- I mean, I could tell you the price of my bathroom rug is $5000, but that doesn't necessarily mean anybody's going to buy it. (Incidentally, it's not that expensive -- I could be brought down from that figure somewhat, if you don't expect to also get the shower curtain with the duckies on it.) So in short, I don't know if Meghan actually sells stuff for those prices, or if that's a self-determined measurement, if you see what I'm saying. Kwame interviews that what they dug about Meghan was that her work was risky and kind of out there, but it was high-end stuff, so if they could sell three or four, Kwame was pretty sure they'd win. She also shows them what look to me like Star Wars figurines in bottles that she claims go for $7000, which again shows you what I know about art. Or which, possibly, shows you that Star Wars figurines are undervalued.

Back from commercials, the motto of the week is "You've Gotta Believe," as Trump explains that you can only sell things you believe in -- "if you don't really believe in it yourself, it'll never work." Hmm, that seems rather ominous for the people with the frogs and concubines, doesn't it? Protégé meets at a little restaurant to talk over their decision. Kwame says that they have it narrowed down to Meghan and Leah. Kwame says that while Meghan is "weird as hell," he thinks she "has her shit together," and he thinks that if she can get the turnout she says she'll get, they'll do well. Otherwise, he acknowledges that they'll be "at zero." Yeah, I don't think there's any such thing as a being a little bit into Meghan. He interviews that he didn't come to be practical in all ways -- he came to take risks. By the way, here's Assorama's comment to Kwame: "You're absolutely right. We'd be taking a calculated risk." She does go on to say that she has concerns about Meghan and would prefer to go with Leah. She keeps stressing, by the way, that for the moment, she's coming at this from an artistic perspective. I guess she's some kind of art expert, although I'm not sure I saw that on her résumé. Heidi interviews that she doesn't think you can look at it as an art task, and you need to look at it as a business task. She doesn't think Trump "gives a rat's ass about the art," he just wants to see who makes money, and I think that's true, as far as it goes. Anyway, back at the discussion, Assorama says that she's been speaking as the art expert, and now she's going to flip and talk business. "Meghan's the only one who's going to drive the numbers that we need to win," she says. So just keep in mind that later, because when she claims that she fought tooth and nail for Leah? That's absolute nonsense. She interviews, however, that Kwame wanted to take a risk, and she felt this was "just not the task to do it." Then why did she say only Meghan could drive the numbers they needed to win? Because she's a big liar, that's why. Anyway, back at the table, Kwame pushes the notion that art is about risk, and he says that they're going with Meghan. Assorama comments, "I'm going to sell the frog smoking opium." Heh.

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