Apprentice
DNA, Heads, And The Undead Kitty

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Adieu, Connoisseur of Art and Water

Heidi and Assorama leave the gallery, and Assorama says, "My head is killing me; I've got to eat something." Oh, good Lord, not this again. Not only that, but she insists that she cannot wait twenty minutes. She must stop and eat right this minute. Now! Where is her personal staff? Madame's tray, Mrs. Pendergast! As Assorama takes a call on the Space Communicator from Kwame, Heidi points out that they can stop and get a sandwich, but they can't "sit down for two hours." Assorama says she does indeed want to sit down. "I can't run like this with a concussion." Does she think we're stupid? Concussions that are serious will make you, like, lose consciousness for a period of time. Does she forget that we actually saw her take this famous blow to the head? And that she went, "Eek!" in surprise, and then patted her head, smiled, and went on with the conversation? She didn't even react to it, hardly. There is no way she had a serious head injury from that. Maybe I need to explain to her the medium of television, and the concept of instant replays, and the way that the brain is capable of discerning visual cues and processing them into meaningful information that taps on the brain and spells out S-H-E I-S F-U-L-L O-F I-T in Morse code. Heidi points out in an interview that Assorama only has headaches during tasks -- never during rewards. "She's an absolute lunatic bitch," Heidi says, and...you know I don't care for Heidi, but "absolute lunatic bitch" is going in my permanent file of great lines, that's for sure. You never know when I might need it.

As Assorama bitches on the phone to Kwame about how she needs to stop and eat, he tells her that they need to work it out between them, and Troy pantomimes a swoon against a tree (which of course Assorama cannot see). Hee, funny. Oh, Troy. Assorama and Heidi continue fighting about who's being rude and how Assorama always needs to sit down and blah dee blah. They bitch back and forth, "childish," "check yourself," "I could give two shits about you," and so forth. "Heidi has a trash mouth," Assorama says. Boy, that's a fact. "And I just was not going to be on the receiving end of it." Actually, for Heidi, that wasn't all that much swearing. I'm just saying. ["Man, God help Assorama at a TWoP staff meeting, is what I'm just saying. I work bluer than Heidi in my sleep. What a princess." -- Sars] In the Pink Scarf Interview, Assorama says, "She needs to clean up her act and shut her mouth." Oh, aren't we sophisticated. She's crazy. Back on the sidewalk, she and Heidi bitch some more at each other as Assorama finally hangs up the Space Communicator. The stunned Troy and Kwame just laugh. "My head, I wanna eat," Kwame laughs. "Dude, it's my head," Troy offers in a mocking tone. "And if I don't get some catered service pretty quick, I'm calling the president!" Boy, that right there is the non-Boardroom line of the week. Troy then interviews that Heidi and Assorama just don't get along, and they're "never gonna change." "Heidi doesn't gel with [Assorama], and [Assorama] just doesn't want to put forth the effort," he says. Oooh, so that's an interesting diagnosis from Troy. I don't think the Princess of Ass is selling him on the "trouper" routine so much. But Troy really doesn't seem happy with either of them: "It keeps the team on an emotional roller coaster," he says.

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Apprentice

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