Apprentice
Apprentice

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 490 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
He's just a Bill

Assorama and Kwame go to Jessica's suite to greet her. The great and mightily put-upon Nick Lachey answers the door, and Kwame and Assorama both introduce themselves to him. Kwame asks Nick how he likes the hotel, and Nick says that the suite is fabulous. I have to think, however, that a guy like Nick has probably seen about all the enormously fancy hotel rooms that one can really absorb, and probably just doesn't get all twittery over the gold-plated fruit baskets anymore. Jessica herself emerges at this point, and Kwame introduces himself and Assorama, whom he calls his "colleague," like he's trying to find some way to explain her presence without implying either that he has any control over her professionally or that he would ever associate with her socially. Assorama makes nice with Jessica, giving her the whole "oh, when I couldn't find you, I was like, 'I have lost the biggest rock star in the country.'" Is Jessica Simpson what passes for "rock" in Assoramaland? Does Pat Boone know about this? Because I think even he would be offended. "Jessica Simpson is not rock," he would say. "Now I, on the other hand, am rock." Jessica tells us that at the airport, she was "confused." You can't see anyone else in the room at this point, but I'm sure they're all trying to look surprised. Assorama assures Jessica that from here on out, it's all going to be smooth sailing, logistically speaking. I'm sure Jessica is filled with confidence. Or, you know, would be filled with confidence if she were capable of processing words other than "good girl" and "autograph" and "personal shopper." Kwame interviews that although there have been a few snags, everything is basically going well with the preparations for the concert. I guess that by "everything," he means "everything except successfully transporting either the band or the singer to the hotel."

The next thing you know, it is 5:30 AM at Briarcliff Manor. Outside the clubhouse, Nick is greeting Bill, commenting that it's early, and it's cold. As it turns out, Bill roused the team at about 4:30 in the morning on the Saturday of the golf tournament so that they could get an early start. Bill interviews that he "would rather have more time than not enough time." Seriously. The team is probably lucky he let them go to sleep at all rather than pouring Red Bull down their throats at 3:00 AM while he hollered at them to keep polishing the golf balls. He comments that he was impressed that when he went to fetch the team at 5:15, Katrina was ready to go. "It's the first time in thirteen weeks that she's been ready to go on time," he smiles, "so I've got to give her credit. I owe her one, that's for sure." Indeed, in the clubhouse, Katrina and Amy exchange a "Jesus, it's early, and we should really kill him" look as they wait to leave. It's positively bizarre watching how buddy-buddy Amy and Katrina are throughout this task, by the way, considering that not only was Katrina extraordinarily bitchy about Amy when she was fired, but in the post-show press, she has done everything short of calling Amy a tramp. But for now? They're practically sisters, eeeee! Let's do each other's nails! At any rate, we watch Bill stride purposefully across the parking lot of the club as the sun is just beginning to peek out, and he re-explains his task as tournament director for this particular event. Incidentally, anytime there is a description of Bill walking anywhere while the golf tournament is going on, you should envision something at least as intense as "strides purposefully." Because today, Bill doesn't know from the carefree mosey.

Apprentice

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