Down To The Wire, Part II

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
He's just a Bill

Tickets are torn as the audience gets ready for the concert. Jessica offers some advice into the camera for Kwame as she gets her hair done. Specifically, she advises him that things will always go wrong, and you just have to act like everything's fine. It's possible that this is where Kwame went wrong -- by adopting the management style recommended by Jessica Simpson. He should find that troubling. I know I do. Trump, Kwame, and Assorama hang around in the wings before the concert. Jessica gets off the elevator in her concert outfit, which is some kind of complex black top and jeans. Trump greets her when she arrives, and then he heads out to do her onstage introduction. He congratulates the staff, "Kwame and everybody," for doing a great job raising money for Operation Smile. Trump also says he'll be making a $25,000 contribution himself. Wow, don't knock yourself out, there, Big Daddy. I mean, it's not that it isn't generous, but Donald Trump probably has six times that in each of his shoes as we speak. Jessica tries to look impressed nonetheless. Trump introduces Jessica. Jessica sings her song with the ripped-off vamp from "Jack and Diane." I know there are people who like Jessica Simpson's singing and will even listen to it on purpose, but I was certainly happy that they didn't show very much of it. The editing staff never lets me down.

Kwame interviews that he thought the concert was a big success, and everyone had a good time. Jessica is yelling onstage, although it's officially still part of the "singing." Kwame says that he's learned a lot from this experience, including the time spent with Trump. He says that was one of his objectives in doing all this in the first place. Jessica closes the concert and runs offstage, encouraging you to watch her ass as closely as possible. It fits right in here at the Taj Mahal, being sort of grand and sparkly and signifying nothing.

Bill, meanwhile, is at Briarcliff, thanking everyone for coming to the dinner and telling them that "the bar is open." Why, thank you, Boyfriend Bill. I'll have a margarita. He interviews that he feels good at this point. He compares it to running a marathon, and says that he finished, so even though he doesn't know whether he won yet, he's very gratified to have finished. May I pour some Gatorade over your head, sir? In the clubhouse, he thanks his team profusely for all their hard work. "Very rarely in life do you find people who genuinely want to see you do well," he tells them. "This is a lovefest," Nick snots, because of course, he can't let anything be (1) nice and (2) not about him for more than ten seconds. Bill insists that Nick allow him a hug. Hee. Boss Man Bill demands a hug. You will hug the boss! Katrina interviews that the team worked really well today, because nobody is competing with Bill, so now they all have the same objective. She manages, by the way, to inflict upon me one of my greatest grammatical pet peeves, which is the construction "The reason is because." Bleh. ["Haaaate." -- Sars] Anyway, now it's Amy's turn to be grammatically tweaked. "There's not this many people, Bill, that I would work this hard for. Especially not paid," Amy tells Bill with a tight smile. As Bill gets in a limo to head back to Trump Tower, he says that he prayed the night before that he would do his best, and he feels like he did, so now he's satisfied. "My prayers were answered," he says. He goes on to add that he gave a "true representation" of himself, so he's fine with whatever outcome there is. Yeah, we've seen his real, honest ankles. That's all you can ask of a guy, really.

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