Apprentice
Apprentice

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Jacob Clifton: B | 580 USERS: C+
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Lesson Four: Don't Use Your Words

Inside, Aimee is telling us that stress is harmful to feelings and other living things, and that especially when we work late into the night, our sensitivities are more sensitive, but we should be more sensitive to those sensitivities and also that we should keep in mind other things having to do with kindness, boundaries, and openness to discussing feelings and processing those opennesses. The phone rings and Marisa -- who should be listening a little bit more closely to Aimee right now, instead of talking talking talking -- answers inside, while Aaron picks up the phone outdoors. He tells Trump that they're "just doing the night routine around the fire," which: barf, and Trump informs them again of what they already knew, how Michelle quit and "Arrow's been decimated." Everybody realizes that, after three losses, it's time for somebody from Team Kinetic to join Team "Arrow," and everybody gets very wiggly.

Aaron, who's pretty much the PM in perpetuity -- or maybe, come to think of it, he actually is the PM at this point because of last week -- due to being, I'll admit, pretty awesome, whispers to his team that they must choose either Angela or Surya. The quietest people on the entire show, not to mention Kinetic's most masculine members. Marisa strangles out -- kinda Michelle, this -- "I'm getting a consensus, Mr. Trump!" And outside, everybody goes, "So intense!" "I know, it's like intense." "It's like so intense!" And then they drink some more, and eat more Cheese Doodles, and make more disgusting messes around their campsite.

Heidi puts it in just the most awful way imaginable: "Who are we willing to give up?" Surya laughs at that, and Derek's like, "Right now?" Yes, right now. See the phone? Heidi stares at/through the floor into the Earth's molten core and says in a deadly voice, "I would be willing" to leave. Surya -- still smacking the tasty Kool-Aid on his lips -- goes, "No! You're the PM!" Which makes little to no sense unless you are in some kind of Heidi Cult. Finally there are three volunteers: Marisa, because she thinks Heidi has a problem with her when in fact the only problem Heidi has with Marisa is Marisa's problem with Heidi. Surya, because I don't know why, because I don't get him, because it turns out he's even more boring than Aaron, but in the exact same way. And Aimee, who says that it's inevitable that the fellowship will be broken and she's willing to go to Mordor and whatever, she says it well but it's still kind of culty. Of the three, Aaron picks Surya, and Trump informs them that Surya's moving into the backyard right this very second. Also, the teams have to meet Trump at 9 AM at the Hollywood overlook off Mulholland, for just a quick second because he's so terribly busy.

Apprentice

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