Apprentice
Drive-Thru Duel

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Four: Don't Use Your Words

Derek and Aimee discuss how filthy and gross Arrow are, and discuss tossing their nasty ruined campsite shit over the fence into the yard. Love that. Muna destroys two hundred years of suffrage by cleaning up the campsite all -- apparently -- on her own, in like a mammy kerchief, while tossing voodoo curses under her breath and generally doing the whole Clara's Heart cluck-cluck about it. And I know this wasn't her intention and I fully would have joined in, because you can't live like that, but it's pretty gross to watch this show do this for such a long stretch. Somebody -- Jenn? -- points out that she's really "making Jamaica proud" and Muna scoffs, making this part a bit more acceptable: "They're poor but they're clean! Please!" I do adore Muna. She interviews that this shit is going to be hella-temporary, and I hope she's right, and onscreen she cleans and hisses: "Disgusting!" She's not getting the most respect-me edit I've ever seen, but I sure do like her personality. She's like the only person we've seen to have one on this show, so far, which is stronger than the Calpurnia vibe the show's trying to shove off on her, so now even the show is right by being wrong.

A white piano, on the beach, and some cored pineapples serving as stemware with tiny cocktail umbrellas, and Andrea Bocelli, the poor man's Josh Groban, who is in turn the poor man's music. And he's not even singing that song Carmela likes, which would make this actually enjoyable to watch. Aaron, wearing yet another hilarious and sexy yachting costume, calls it "a moment to absorb," and Bocelli tells them it's great for them but also for him, because this is the first time he's played on the ocean before. And yes, it's a beautiful idea, and I wouldn't feel trashy having this experience because I bet it's hella, and maybe I'm just confused because it's Arrow, but there's something very "trappings of wealth" about having all of this happen at once. He starts to sing "Besame Mucho," a song that never fails to make me think of naked Gwenyth Paltrow and how much she loves taking her clothes off at every opportunity, and how it still never gets old for me personally when she does this, because I love her. Stefani looks lushly gorgeous. I swear I didn't think much of looking at her to start with, but each episode she gets more and more amazingly beautiful, to the point where: what if at some point she reaches critical mass and I start making big changes in the way I relate to things? The last time I worried about my junk this much it was Rene Russo in The Thomas Crown Affair. I'm too old to question my sexuality, Stefani! Turn it down!

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Apprentice

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