Drive-Thru Duel

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
Lesson Four: Don't Use Your Words

Too late! Frank is growing on me, Tim is growing off me, like a third thumb, and Aaron I still just can't tell. Surya however is off the list.

Crazy awesome music! Like an army with trumpets! Trump drives toward the overlook in a stretch with a bald man, and they turn off to meet the teams, and there, Aaron is making quite a Trump face but wearing more good colors and looking amazing. Stefani and Marisa look just as gorgeous as ever. Heidi, I don't even see her anymore. She's like a walking spreadsheet. Maybe the bathing suit last week just blew my mind and gave me that disease where now I think she's my hat. Oh, Sean is there! Gross! Trump calls him a "great champion," and notes that he went through hell, but not the kind of hell where he had to live in a tent. The only hell I remember from last season is the one where Sean and Lee were the Final Two and I still had to watch that shit because it's my job. Tim is getting pretty sick-looking, which is sad. Trump indicates the overlook and says, "You hear behind me automobiles." He doesn't even seem to notice the shell-shocked Hollywood lesbian wandering through the woods toward Aunt Ruth's bungalow after narrowly missing her own murder thanks to a fender-bender with an elderly couple, about to start her journey into a nightmarish dreamscape of her own failed ambitions of stardom, not to mention sad sex with Naomi Watts, who she also somehow is. ["Silencio, dude." -- Joe R]

Sorry. "You hear behind me automobiles. This is LA. We have automobile on top of automobile, and people do everything in their automobiles, some of which I cannot mention, although if you win this task you might have to do these things with Hugh Hefner as a reward." There's lunatic, scary, Lynchian laughter at the concept of people fucking in cars, but maybe that's just fight/flight based on Trump even coming within a five-mile radius of sex in any location at all. One of the reasons -- finding a way to cram the world "automobile" in there a few more dozen times -- that LA something something is because of drive-through restaurants, such as El Pollo Loco. Angela looks really beautiful right now. Man. He introduces two executives from El Pavo Guapo, Steve and Karen, and we don't care about the executives this year I guess, even though they've been historically some of the best parts of any task. The task, Steve explains, is to create, promote, and sell a new version of their "signature item," the "Pollo Bowl." Heidi and Aaron, Trump reminds us, are the PMs until the boardroom, and there will be Sean there, but no Trumplings.

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