Apprentice
Drive-Thru Duel

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Four: Don't Use Your Words

Marisa: "Bravado Bravado Bravado Bravado Bravado Bravado Bravado Bravado Bravado."
Derek: "Gotcha, but we are done with that part."
Marisa: "Here's the kind of person I am: I speak up. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."
Derek: "I really admire that about you, but please get it together. You're right about being frozen out of the group, but wrong about trying to smash your way back in by acting like a nutsack."
Marisa: "I am being cockblocked. Just because the group has reached a consensus about my two ideas, I see no reason why I can't just bring them up again and again, in the hopes that they will change their minds. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. I am going to end up in a chicken suit shooting from a clock tower unless I get some validation soon. Oh! Brain wave! What if we called it the Bravado Bowl? Or had people in chicken suits? I wish everybody's short-term memory was as fucked up as my own."
Derek: "Hee, hee. You said cock."

Marisa interviews that she has "really great," "creative" ideas, and that she's being "suffocated by the group" at this point. You know what? Shut up. First of all, your ideas are neither creative nor all that great, and secondly, if the group is suffocating you, then you know that the problem is you. If you can keep your head when all others around you are losing theirs, the reason is that you are an asshole. Read the situation for what it is: you've presented enough of a problem to Heidi's leadership -- three wins, lady -- that she's elected to send you to the boonies with Derek as your nursemaid. That's what's going on here, and if you don't respond to that problem, instead responding to a completely other imaginary problem -- namely that your genius will die with you like Van Gogh and in fifty years your chicken suit will sell on an open auction at Christie's for one billion dollars -- you are proving her correct, correct, correct. Which I hate, because though I still really admire and like Heidi, this is her failure start to finish, so why you gonna prove her right for benching you?

And here's another scary thought: given the way this show treats women and minorities (and everybody else), did you ever think that Heidi's being set up for the worst fucking nosedive this show's ever seen? Every boardroom Trump calls her a queen and talks about how awesome and wonderful she is, and we only get the most smug, condescending looks edited into the boardrooms anyway, and she's being illustrated I think as an internet bubble that's about to pop. It won't happen soon and it won't warn you before it hits, but dollars to doughnuts she's going to take a faceplant in a pile of dog shit sometime in the next ten weeks. Which suits this show's agenda just fuckin' fine.

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Apprentice

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