Previously on It's So Early, And Already I'm Well Over My Recommended Daly Allowance: Various celebrities, approached to participate in a charity auction, treated the candidates with varying levels of disdain. Regis Philbin was hesitant to be pimped out as a travel accessory to be packed in some wealthy person's Gloria Vanderbilt luggage, while Carson Daly suffered over being thought of as "the guy who says he kind of knows Tiger Woods." Isaac Mizrahi just wanted his name pronounced correctly, the Queer Eye cast just wanted Troy to avoid dressing in a manner tantamount to nudity, and Rocco and Mama might not have been able to make riveting television, but they can still make dinner for fifty. Assorama took her shot as the Protégé PM and made life predictably miserable for everyone around her, hanging up on people at random and refusing to let anyone else do anything and basically acting like a Grade-A, top-flight, board-certified pain in the ass. There was some flirty business going on between Nick and Amy, but Nick gave off a suspicious vibe that he would eventually turn out to be that most dreaded of species, Thinks Smart And Independent Women Are Sexy Until One Of Them Points Out That He Misspelled Something, At Which Point He Loses His Shit, Gets Drunk, And Angrily Finds A Pliable Idiot To Sleep With Guy. The charity auction raised $75,000 for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, which means these people did more good in one night than they've probably done in their combined lives up to this point. Assorama declared Jessie the cause of all of Protégé's problems when they took the loss, and when the team went to the Boardroom, it was Assorama, Jessie, and Heidi at the final table. Assorama acted like her usual condescending, obnoxious self, and Trump called her on it -- but Heidi and Jessie chose to smile through it. This confused and irritated Trump profoundly, and in Jessie's case, he found it so distasteful that he fired her for failing to defend herself. For the second week in a row, it turned out that he'd rather you have a spine than a heart. Amen, Donald. That's the theory on which most of my life is based.
Credits. In my next life, I want to be introduced everywhere I go by a personalized stock ticker. If I could walk into a room and announce that I am already down 2 3/8 for the day, maybe people would know when to leave me alone.
Aspiring Corporate Weasel Death Watch, S4. For some reason, Ereka is bumming around the apartment in a white sweater, red pants, and a brown corduroy newsboy cap. What could have possessed her, honestly? Will she be shooting a video later? Did she lose her mind at the Street Cred Closeout Sale? Katrina asks Troy whom he thinks will be fired, as between Jessie "Putting the 'Con' in" Conners and Heidi "You Can't Delude Others Unless You First Truly Delude Yourself" Bressler. Kwame and Troy aren't so sure it'll be either -- things weren't looking so sunny for the inimitable Assorama, or so it appeared at the time Troy and Kwame fled the Boardroom of Horrors, leaving their distinctive Troy-shaped and Kwame-shaped holes in the wall.