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"Those Beeyotches Are Gonna Be Sorry"

Celebrities show up: Rod's here to prove he isn't guilty, because reality TV is the best way to do that. Bret's operating on one hour of sleep. Maria's not afraid of anyone, even Trump. Announcer guy: The Celebrity Apprentice starts now. I'm so confused about what I've been recapping so far. Cyndi Lauper sings "True Colors" and "Money, money, money, money..." Curtis tells us how exciting it is to stand next to Michael Johnson and Goldberg, but it's more exciting to wait for Trump. I can't help it, y'all. I love Curtis Stone and his sexy accent. Trump shows up and tells all the celebrities that they're here to raise money for charity. I'm like: If you didn't already know that, how did you get here? Goldberg's honored to be associated with everyone here, except Rod. Trump tells Rod he has a lot of guts, which Rod appreciates. Bret's charity: American Diabetes Association. He's been a lifelong diabetic (and also a lifelong tool). Trump tells him he was a little late. Sinbad thinks Bret's still a rocker because he has long hair and tight jeans. I think Sinbad's confused. Cyndi's charity is the Stonewall Community Foundation in support of the True Colors Fund. It's for gay, lesbian, transgender awareness, so the camera shows us a stern Goldberg. Cyndi loves New York. Trump tells us it will be men versus women, and Sharon interviews that she can be the nastiest bitch in the world. Trump sends them back to pick their name and to pick project managers: The catch is they get to pick the other team's project manager. He'll meet them in the boardroom.

Curtis, clearly the brightest bulb in this bunch, goes straight to figuring out which woman to choose, as a bunch of the other guys grunt and groan. They decide they're going to choose a weak woman first, and hope she gets eliminated. Bret suggests Cyndi Lauper, who he says is crazy like him. They all agree she's crazy. Sinbad says they decided on Cyndi because they're hoping she can irk the rest of her team, since women never let that go. Bret Michaels knows they'll choose him, and cut to the women, who consider Rod for two seconds before unanimously deciding on Bret. Carol says he's basically a manwhore on Rock of Love. Like, duh. Now, names: Cyndi just goes on and on about history, suggesting names of ships or William Wallace, or Shackleton quotes. Everyone basically likes her, but thinks she's crazy. Cyndi explains she wanted a name with history or weight. They look up synonyms for endurance, and end up deciding on Tenacity. The men focus on the qualities they want, and end up going with Bret's idiotic idea, RockSolid. Rod thinks this healthy camaraderie is much better than politics. Now Trump's ready to see them.

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