Trump is at the American Museum of Natural History, where he says tonight he'll be making his biggest decision all season: Who will become the next Celebrity Apprentice. Will it be Joan or Annie? We get shots of sharks and other museum-y stuff. Trump hasn't made a decision, because they're both tough, smart, and hate each other. He wants us to get down to business. He walks into a room of cheering fans. An announcer calls Trump "New York's Number 1 attraction." Take that, Empire State Building and Statue of Liberty! Trump shakes hands (Melissa's) and hugs people (Jim Cramer) as he walks in. He joins Ivanka and Don (with a fresh, non-Trump hair cut) on the stage and tells everyone Happy Mother's Day. Then he says Joan and Annie are two vicious mothers -- so vicious NBC renewed this show yet again. Trump says he loves a good fight, but even he's amazed at what these people have done to each other. Then we get our extended previously. The gist: A bunch of semi-celebrities came together and acted crazy. That's all I'm willing to relive right now, so you'll have to read the weecaps. Announcer guy tells us 14 have been fired, so we're left with Annie and Joan. Annie says she plays a game for a living, so no one's more competitive than her. Joan says she'll do everything she can to win. We get flashbacks to their styles of game play, and everything else that went down. Trump couldn't ignore a final matchup with this much drama. And viewers probably won't be able to either. Tonight: They go head to head. Joan says it's good vs. evil, and she'll kill to win. Annie says it's war, and she's going to crush Joan. Only one will win. Truncated "Money, money, money, money."
We start this week back in last week's boardroom. Trump tells them to get some rest because they have a lot of work ahead of them, and one of them will win. They leave separately, but go to the suite together. Annie tries to talk to Joan about her not liking her. Joan tells her she doesn't want to talk about it. She says they'll be fabulous competition, but they don't need to be friends. Annie just wants to say one thing, but Joan says she doesn't want to hear it, and she also doesn't want America to hear it. The crowd loves that. Annie asks if Joan's met her friends, and tells her she shouldn't have insulted them. Joan keeps saying she's not going there, and ends up walking out. She tells Annie she only deals with her equals, and then leaves. Annie says she guesses she's above that, then calls Joan a bitch after Joan's gone. It's sort of amazing how much they hate each other. I love it.