Apprentice

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The show pads its two-hour time bloat by spending nearly five full minutes recapping last week. Well, they can suck it. If you saw it, you know what happened. If you didn't, then why the hell are you reading this? At any rate, Dennis and Herschel return non-triumphantly from the board room. Clint determines that, for the men's team to succeed, they'll have to get in line with the Project Manager, whoever that may be. He doesn't say it, but the upside of that plan is that, if the PM sucks and steers the team into the ground, he's a goner. See? Everybody wins! Tom Green realizes he can trust no one. Credits.

The opening scene is Joan delivering food to a homebound mother. They share a lovely moment while TH Joan gives the God's Love We Deliver spiel again. She presents the $126,000 check to the organization, and they group hug. Again, everybody wins (except The Dice Man and his crappy cupcake).

It's a new day, a new task for the Apprenti. Trump introduces them to CNBC anchor Erin Burnett. Trump claims to have participated with her in the biggest and best CNBC special EVER! How does that man do it? Pffffft. He tells them this week's task will deal with billion dollar-plus shoe, handbag and apparel site Zappos.com, then introduces them to Zappos CEO Tony No-Last-Name. Tony emphasizes that Zappos is all about customer service. As such, the teams will pair with Image Comics to create a comic book character that communicates the Zappos customer experience. Specifically, they must generate a costume and four-page comic, which the site might publish online. Emphasis on "might."

Trump tells them to pick PMs. Team Athena chooses Khloe because she owns clothing stores herself, though she admits she's unfamiliar with online business. After much deliberation, Team Kotu taps Scott. He retroactively justifies that they may have picked him because they saw him as a voice of reason last week. He reasons that he won't survive by shying away from leadership. Despite the fact that it's worked well for many, many people in the past.

Athena gets things rolling by meeting with Tony to determine exactly what he wants. And if he wants Khloe in a spangled prison-striped sweater, he is in luck! He launches into an extended remix of his earlier customer service speech, with bonus bits about customer service reps. Riveting stuff, really. Annie plans to use her poker skills to read Tony and what he wants. What she fails to recognize is that she is not gaming this guy. She is serving him, so no end-runs need apply. She also fails to take into account that Tony is an elusive bugger. For example, when she asks whether he would like the campaign to appeal equally to men and women, he flat-out refuses to answer. He tells them that's their call. Which is one way not to get what you want... Melissa randomly asks whether he prefers blondes or brunettes. She presses it to an uncomfortable degree, even asking what hair color the girl he dated longest and/or married had. Tony gets the look of discomfort on his face that only a gay man would get when asked about his girlfriend/wife. He eventually skirts the question, telling the ladies that the campaign is not about him.

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Apprentice

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