Episode Report Card
Angel Cohn: C+ | Grade It Now!
Jesse's Girl

Boardroom time. OK. It's only about 40 minutes into this episode. If the boardroom lasts an hour and 20 minutes, I am going to start crying or drinking. Maybe both. The Donald congratulates Annie and Joan. Donald asks Athena who picked the jewelry. Annie gives the complete credit and kudos to Melissa. He wants to know who the weak players were; Annie says it would be Jesse and Melissa, because they didn't bring in cash. Piers asks Jesse why he didn't bug his wife and her rich friends for money. OMG. I can't believe that someone finally had the nerve to ask this question. It's the big elephant in the room! Jesse doesn't seem like that kind of schmoozy Hollywood guy, but I was curious to hear this. Especially since we've gone the whole season without even bringing up the fact that he HAS a famous wife. I thought it was like some secret taboo subject that he had written into his contract. Though shalt not speak of Sandra Bullock or I walk off the set. His answer is a bit dull, saying he doesn't mix business and pleasure and then proceeds to give Piers a death glare. Awesome.

Over at sinking ship KOTU, Joan says she loves her team. Ivanka wants to know why Joan wasn't out there shilling and auctioneering. Excellent question. Apparently it was her misguided way of letting everyone be involved, even if it wasn't their skill set. Ivanka said it made her look bad that people didn't bid, since the lauded Trump name was on the jewlery. Ivanka says that she's totally embarrassed, because it was a lame auction. Piers said that the will to live was sucked out of him. Joan claims she didn't mean disrespect. Clint says that they didn't have big spenders in their rolodexes that Brande and Annie have. The Donald says that Joan does, and he knows them. Then Melissa jumps in from across the other side of the room and says that Donald and Joan should have a private conversation about the mutual friends. He might be surprised which rich bigwigs have turned them down. Piers is confused why Missy is defending the leader of the opposite team. Clearly, he's not familiar with the co-dependent Rivers' women.

The Donald wants to know what Annie thinks about her teammate defending the opposing team's project manager. Joan says she doesn't care what Annie thinks. Donald does. So Joan maturely decides to stick her fingers in her ears. My 3-year-old has better manners. Annie says that it was disrespectful to Ivanka to run their auction like they did. Joan pulls her fingers out of her ears and starts yelling that it is lies. All lies! Guess her noise-reducing fingers were fallible. Annie looks shocked. Joan says that she was two-faced and talked shit about Brande. Annie looks at Brande and asks if they talked about it. They did. As it turns out. Annie explains herself and what she said in the boardroom, Melissa takes credit for it, then Joan goes on about Einstein (who is probably rolling in his grave hearing these women drag his name into this muck) and how Annie is all about looking out for number one (which I maintain is the entire purpose of this game).

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