Apprentice
Ethics, Schmethics

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Lonely Planet Hollywood

We now go to a reaction from Nick, who disapprovingly interviews that when Kwame and Bowie came in, everyone "rejoiced like the Munchkins in The Wizard of Oz." Well, except with less high-pitched voices. Nick thinks this is highly unfair. "There are weaker players on this team than Sam," he says, as the editors meaningfully show Bowie. I don't know, Nick...I'm not surprised that the people who live in the suite are not especially dedicated to the notion of a perfect meritocracy, because the fact that the concept of meritocracy cannot possibly make any of them feel very secure, considering how much merit they have. "I'm pissed," Nick says on Sam's behalf. Oh, come on. There may be weaker players, but there's nobody who screwed up the bargaining challenge the way Sam did. Except for...oh, hey...Nick!

In a later chat with Boyfriend Bill, Bowie says that he would have found it embarrassing to be let go before Sam. Nick -- still stewing in his righteous indignation -- refers to the whole thing as "a witch hunt to take down Sam." That's some bullshit, Nick. First of all, Sam wasn't a witch, silly. He was a loony. Second of all, what took down Sam was the dumb-ass gold-chasing plan, and...let's see...who cooperated with Sam on that? Once again, you. Nick terms the celebration "despicable," as we see Bill and Bowie clink their beers. I have a feeling Nick needs to see some more things that are actually despicable, because when actual despicable behavior rears its ugly head, bottle-clinking is almost never involved. "[Sam] will get his vengeance through me," Nick says, and winks, as a funny sound guy throws in a little clanging noise. Heh. It's cute, but ultimately, I'm not buying. Sam did plenty to get himself tossed without anyone else's having to do very much, and when you find yourself the advocate for the guy who fell asleep on the floor when the team was on a deadline, it's time to rethink your position. And perhaps time to go lie down yourself, Nick.

The sun sets and rises, and it is the next day. Funny how that works. The phone wakes up a lot of sleeping candidates, and when Kwame finally gets off his ass and answers it, he's told that everybody has to head for Times Square at 8:00 AM, with no further details available. The next thing you know, they're all pumped up on caffeine and standing around waiting in Times Square, where Donald's limo finally pulls up. Donald explains that they are just outside Planet Hollywood, which was "started by some movie star friends of [his]." He forgets to add, "Most of whom are now frantically trying to run from it like Indiana Jones from that giant rolling boulder." Planet Hollywood, it turns out, is a huge restaurant with more than 250 employees. I'm pretty sure that's almost always more people than visit it in a given week. Donald reveals that, tonight, the women will manage the restaurant, and tomorrow night, the men will do the same. Whoever improves the overall income of the restaurant by the greatest percentage over the same night last year will win. George and Carolyn, as always, will be watching over the proceedings. The reward this week? Golfing at Donald's golf course. Feh, whatever. The rewards on this show suck, I have to say. If they were doing it again, that would be my biggest suggestion -- different rewards. I realize they're obviously all supposed to be Trumpocentric in some way, but there are only so many Trumpocentric rewards before it starts to look stupid. Send them out for massages or something, even if Donald doesn't own a massage parlor (though I find that hard to believe). I really don't want to see the reward where you get to root through Donald's underwear drawer. Anyway, Donald "I'll Take One Of Each" Trump wishes them luck, gets in his limo, and takes off.

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Apprentice

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